We're All In This Together

The last few months have been challenging for me personally. I am longing to live a life that is radical....I find it so hard to do here. Our society just doesn't get "it". By "it" I mean the heartache and hurt of people all around us - heartache and hurt that we have the capacity to CHANGE, to make a DIFFERENCE. People here seem so complacent, content to live in their own bubble. Our society only wants to hear about something if it can benefit them; what's the best car to drive, the newest sound system, the latest technology, the biggest house, the coolest renovations, the hottest name brand....

I cannot get my head around this mindset of greediness and selfishness. Sometimes I want to be like that. Sometimes I find myself thinking "if only I had this, if only I had that"....and I have to give my head a shake!

The 5 children in our home represent 3 different countries. 3 of my children came to me broken, grieving and suffering more loss than anyone should in a lifetime. My babies. My sweet, precious little babies (no matter what age they are!). What if we had turned our hearts against hearing about orphans? What if we made a choice to get a bigger house rather than paying for our adoptions? What if we had chosen to turn away from the truth of people's pain, brokenness and lonliness so that we could just carry on with our blissfully happy life?

People, I wouldn't have 3 of my sweet, precious, little babies! My babies. They wouldn't be here. They wouldn't be filling my heart to near bursting with gratitude for their presence in my life every single day! I would not be inspired to be a more caring and loving person. I would not look into their faces every day and see the amazing miracle of their lives! Living and breathing right here in our house. The essence of Christ's love living right under my roof.

I encourage you. I challenge you. Please choose to live a radical life. Love Jesus so fully that you can't help but have His love spill over and touch another person's life.

Recipes!

Our family represents 3 different countries and we love to try out foods from around the world. I am not the best cook but every now and then I brave a new recipe to try and incoporate some culture into our eating!

This recipe comes from Columbia and our family's newest member made it for me today...it was actually quite delicious!!!

POTATO and EGG SOUP

Slice up a 5-6 potatoes in a pot.

Add water just to cover the potatoes.
Add about the same amount of milk as water.

Bring to boil and cook until potatoes are soft.

Add salt and pepper.

Make sure the heat is turned down to medium and crack 3 eggs into the pot (on top of the potato soup mixture) DO NOT STIR in the eggs...you want the eggs to stay whole, like a fried egg. Let the eggs cook in the hot soup for about 5 mintues.

Serve it up! Makes about 3-4 servings.

If you have a recipe from around the world to share, please leave it in the comments section or send me an email!!!

Also, this is a great website filled with recipes from countries that allow international adoptions. Click on over and try out some of these cultural delights to help celebrate National Adoption Month!

Here is a calendar link that gives ideas of something to do EACH day of NOVEMBER to celebrate National Adoption Month...It's got some great links and ideas...be sure to check it out!



Check out the Magazine...






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There are some neat tips and ideas on scrapbooking your adopted child's memories, their lifestory and their everyday life with you! Click HERE to read more!

National Adoption Month

November is here....after a crazy busy last week of October! 3 of our children had birthdays last week - we had 4 parties and then all the Halloween fun - carving pumpkins, decorating the house with spooky things, finding costumes for everyone and then the actual trick or treating. WHEW!

Moving on to November....
November is National Adoption Month! I would LOVE to hear feedback from everyone on ways you've been touched by adoption, adoption moments, adoption blogs, great adoption books or anything and everything that has to do with adoption. Throughout the month I'm going to be adding some adoption tidbits on my blog...quotes, statistics, blogs, books, resources, etc....

If you are an adoptive parent, an adopted child, social worker, teacher, friend, anyone who has something to share about adoption, leave it in the comment section. If you have an adoption blog, please leave the link and I'll post it on my blog!

More later,
Tammy

Dance on...

WOW...obviously everyone who reads this blog knows how personally attacked I felt by Ms. Anonymous (Ms. Sonshine??) and her comments. Just plain mean and spiteful. But, since those nasty comments, a few things have happened....

1. My friend, M wrote the most incredible comment (posted in yesterday's comment section) that brought tears to my eyes. She is someone who knows me to my deepest level...the good, the bad and the ugly. And even though she has seen the "ugly" in me, she knows my heart and what a wonderful message she left for me. It truly restored me.

2. Reading the encouraging and kind comments from you guys...thank you!!!! It is such a boost to have people stick up for me and you guys made me feel so much better!

3. My husband asked me why I was letting Ms. Anonymous get to me - he said our life, our family, our journey is so much bigger than her nasty comments. He told me I didn't need to write anything in response to her comments, I have no reason to justify or to clarify for her. Nothing like a logical man to bring me down from my emotional high horse!

4. A lady called me on the phone last night....literally someone we have not seen or heard from personally in 3 years. She called me to specifically ask me how all our children were doing and to tell me what an amazing family we were (whether that's true or not, it is nice to hear!). She encouraged me for over 1/2 hour telling me how blessed our children were, how we would be blessed and how surely God is looking favorably on us for how we are caring for His children. She called me without even having a clue what was going on in my life or what had been written on this blog (she doesn't read the blog). Isn't that incredible??? The timing was miraculous.

5. After reading Ms. Anonymous' comments, I browsed other blogs that I sometimes find comfort in. One of them is called "A Life of Simplicity". This family has 9 adopted children and the mom truly "gets" it....adoption is not about how big (or small) your family is, it is about specific children, each one as amazingly special and worthy as another. I went to this post - crazy how she was writing EXACTLY what I was being criticized for!!!!!!! It was a God thing, I'm sure.

And to sum it all up, everything our family bases our choices on is this quote:

And really, I have to come back to the fact that we sing and dance for an audience of ONE - Jesus Christ – the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords – the lover, protector and defender of orphans – OUR Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God whom we praise with all our might, day and night!! He is the only one we sing and dance for. He will, Lord willing, one day say: “Well done thou good and faithful servant. You were faithful with little. You were faithful when I gave you much. I am pleased with you.”

Oh my goodness....I am so thankful that all of these incidents helped me bring my focus back on what is really important...honoring Christ by loving His little children.

To answer my own question....

What are our family's thoughts on raising children from different cultural backgrounds?

I think both Chris and I would agree that it is challenging to raise culturally different children in a community and province that is primarily caucasian. We "think" we are preparing our children and we are trying to read as much and prepare as much but in reality, we have no idea what we will face in the next 5-20 years with our children. I may "think" I'm doing things right because I'm teaching my children about their culture, showing them their country and educating them on their traditions and history. But, even in doing all this, we will never be able to understand what it means to lose a birth culture, to constantly wonder about birth families but have no way to get answers, to feel like we don't fit in completely here in Canada nor do we fit in completely in our homeland. Will I know when my child is hurting from being the only asian? the only african? the only south american? When it's time, will I be able to let them go to "find themselves" in their birth countries if that's what they chose. Will I be strong enough to accept that it's not a slight against me if they choose to pursue their birth families or culture? That their anger and hurt may be directed at us because we thought we could give them everything they needed but instead we took them from everything they had?

Do I think children should be placed in similar cultural backgrounds/religion? Actually, I do. If a child can be cherished and loved in a family of similar background then I think they have the right to grow up learning and embracing their cultures first hand.

I am also of the mindset that children can certainly thrive and become happy, well adjusted adults growing up in families that are not of the same cultural background. Obviously, if there is no other choice, a child should go with a family of any cultural background if they will be loved, protected, cherished and safe. I also think past bonds can play a big part in what is best for a child. If a child already has strong, healthy attachment to a family or person, then it would be best to strengthen that bond. Do you know there are thousands of children who go through their life without having any healthy attachments? It is so sad. And if a family from another culture can provide a child with a healthy attachment, then so be it.

Obviously I'm a strong advocate for adoption. I love adoption and what it has done for our family. But I don't kid myself...adoption presents many, many challenges. Our family's responsibilities to our adopted children are so much more than simply loving them. I'm also a strong advocate for families staying together. Probably more so now that we've adopted than before. Through fostering, we've realized how important the birth connection is to a child (even when the birth connection is not good). Children crave a birth connection...they want to know on some level that their birth parents loved them and wanted them. So, there are tons of cases where keeping families together and providing supports for them to be together is best.

Oh, there are no easy answers, that's for sure. I think the bottom line for me is, I truly, truly believe all children need and deserve to be loved by a family. To be protected, safe and cherished by someone.

Even though some may think our family is too big or too overwhelming, I really believe we will continue fostering and adopting as long as there is a need. It is difficult, it is overwhelming and exhausting, yet every day I see the miracle of the children living in my home. How could I not want to be part of more miracles???

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"No one said it would be easy....they just said it would be worth it" (on having children)

Thank you to those who answered my question in the last post. It is a controversial issue and there certainly isn't a right answer or simple answer. I know Chris and I will have to "face the music" with Alyssa and Evan (and any other child we may adopt) in the future as they struggle to figure out all the "whys"....why were they abandoned, why didn't their parents want them enough, why were they taken from everything they knew, why were they raised in an all-white community, etc...

What do you think?

Ontario has a mandate to place children who are available for adoption into homes with similar cultural backgrounds.

Even though I may have lived with a particlar child and created a bond, our family would be overlooked so the child could live in a family with an african background, practicing the Muslim religion.

What do you think?

Is it fair to discriminate based on cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs?

Or, if 2 families can love a child equally, is it truly best for a child to be raised in the family who shares their cultural roots and religious beliefs?

There are no right or wrong answers but it is an interesting topic to discuss and obviously this is important to our family as we are currently raising 3 children from different cultural backgrounds.

I'd love to hear your points of view.

And that's That!

Visit with little one was really, really great. Exactly as I remembered little one to be...full of joy, smiles, laughter and still LOVES to chatter and talk. Why is my life always filled with children who LOVE to talk, incessently, all the time???? (Okay, okay...so I love to talk too!)

I'm going to call little one "N" in this post...it's easier than writing "little one".

N seemed very happy. This is good....I want N to be happy. I think there was part of me hoping N wasn't happy so I could wisk N away and make N happy. N told me, "I love my life". Is it possible for a heart to break while it is also filled with relief and happiness? I truly, truly want N to be happy. I am sad because N can be happy without us. But that's okay.

It seems there will be no movement on the adoption side of things for at least another year or more. Each day that passes, N becomes more settled in life, more attached to the family N lives with. And that's the way it should be.

What do I feel?

If I'm brutally honest, I feel disappointed...disappointed that the courts have and still continue to take so long with this case. I'm disappointed that as each month passes, our family's chance at this particular adoption gets smaller and smaller.

Again, being brutally honest, I feel sad. Sad that N is able to be so happy and live so wonderfully without us. I KNOW N misses us very much. N told me that and N's social worker told me that.
N talked a lot about our family, the memories, missing the house, the bedroom, the bed, the trips we took, the funny things that happened. N talked about the kids and if they remembered N...N seemed wistful when talking about life at the MacKinnon house. I think N would be very happy to come back to us and I think N would be very happy to stay in the new home.

I feel relieved to have finally gotten some answers! I was able to meet with N's social worker who was a wonderful, lovely lady. I could tell right away how much she cared about N and that she was advocating for N's life. The social worker was honest with me, answered all my questions, and although some of those answers were hard to hear, I needed to know. I needed to know after 12 months of wondering, hoping, praying, crying, being torn inside....

The visit was awesome. N was awesome. We are now able to have open communication with each other...we can send letters, make phone calls, send care packages and we have an open invitiation to visit N whenever we like. And although that isn't what I had been hoping for, praying for, it is what I will settle for. I have been given the opportunity to still share in N's life...this is very good.

So, I will go back home to my 5 beautiful children who need me, who I can be "mom" to. Back to my husband and back to my life. We will send letters and fun things to our little one, we will talk on the phone and if by some miracle, little one is meant to be ours, she will come home to us - all in good time.

And that's that.

Today is the big day!

Well, I'm here. I've traveled to see my little one and our visit is in just a few short hours. Butterflies and nerves! I have no idea what to expect but I am exited! I've waited 12 months for this day so no matter what happens, I will have gotten to see little one, play with little one, hugged little one and talked with little one. It will be a good day!

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential and fight for your dreams."

The truth of the matter...

Over the years I've heard lots of practiced, experienced parents tell me "it will get easier". You know, when you're exhausted from night feedings, running after toddlers all day, dealing with temper tantrums, lack of adult interactions, etc....etc...etc....

Parents always told me "Don't worry, it gets easier". Well, here I am 5 children later and I'm seriously not finding it any easier. No, I don't have to change diapers all day, no I don't have to get up in the middle of the night (except for the odd nightmare), no I don't have to watch my children with an eagle eye every second of the day so they don't hurt themselves, BUT I am still not feeling like my life is easier.

Now I am talking to my children about drugs because their friends got "busted" at Jr. High. I'm talking to my children about love and caring for another person and how to treat the opposite gender with respect and gentleness. I'm answering questions about first kisses and talking the "sex talk" with my kids. I'm dealing with different learning levels - where one child excels academically and one doesn't. I'm dealing with a child's emotional turmoil and trying to develop trust and safety. I'm trying to teach my children about diversity and accepting & embracing the differences all around us. Dealing with my own anger when people are hurtful and ignorant about our differences. Trying to build self esteem, value and worth in each and every one of my children. I'm trying to give each child my individual time; special moments that only we share. Teaching my kids what happiness and love really means. Teaching there is MORE to life than materialism and "stuff". Teaching compassion and gentleness. All the while I am in the midst of breaking up fights, homework overload, wiping tears, kissing hurts (and wishing I could simply kiss away those emotional hurts), packing lunches, peeling 8 pounds of pototoes (for one meal!), hockey practices, hockey tryouts, dance lessons, speech therapy sessions, hospital visits, getting 2 boys fitted for braces, working, reading stories, taking calls from teachers at school, finding ways to handle some behavioral issues, and once again.....after all these years, I'm still falling into bed exhausted.

It has not gotten easier.

Take a deep breath....

After 12 months and 16 days, I have been given permission to visit my little one. Little one lives away, in another province and I am finally able to visit. Haven't seen or talked to little one in more than 1 year. I am breathless...my heart is beating out of my chest....

It has been TOO long!

Things are insanely busy here. I think about posting everyday but then simply can't find the time or energy to put anything "meaningful" on my blog. I have TONS of photos from summer and haven't even put them on the computer yet.

School starts tomorrow...all our children will be in school...seems impossible, yet it's really happening. All the kids are extremely excited and enjoy school so I'm happy for them. And I'm trying to come up with healthy lunches for 5 little ones, 5 days a week...ideas and advice are ALWAYS welcome!

We have a new foster placement...a wonderful, wonderful little one. I can't share much but this child is incredible and once again, we are the ones who are blessed to be able to share in his/her life!!! As I've said before, every child comes with their own unique, sad and emotional story...yet, we are continually surprised by how each one is truly a miracle...a special light in them that we can't help but be thankful and grateful that we get to share it with them!

Now that the kids will be back in school, I may get a chance to update more and add pictures.

There is so much I wanted to post about and just didn't get the chance...

ADOPTION PEI BBQ

The PEI Adoption Coalition is hosting an Adoption PEI BBQ for everyone in PEI who has been touched by adoption! If you are in the process or have already adopted, please join us! Parents, siblings, children, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. are all invited to join us at the BBQ as well. This is an opportunity to meet other adoptive families in a relaxed, fun setting.

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Date: THIS SATURDAY, August 15

Time: 1:00 pm

Where: Brackley Commons Park (Brackley Pt. Rd, just past the airport on the right hand side)

Cost: $7 per family (this will cover the rental costs and the food)

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Hotdogs, hamburgers and drinks will be provided. Feel free to bring your favorite munchies to share!

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Brackley Commons has a great playground, clean washrooms and indoor facilities if you need it.

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Leave a comment for this post or email me HERE to let me know if you plan to attend!

Check out the newsest sidebar link!

Wild Olive has amazing new kid T-shirts ready (well, just about!). You can visit them HERE. I love that the shirts say "chosen" because we are chosen by God. I love that! They have lots of cool tees for adults as well so be sure to check them out.

We've had a few fun days...it's starting to feel more like summer...swimming at the pool, getting ice cream, hanging out on the deck, running through the sprinklers, visiting with my parents....

We are going camping again this week and I'm really looking foward to it. Last time I couldn't move because of my sore back but now that's it's all better, it should be great.

Don't forget to check out Wild Olive Tees and get a cute one!

Finally...some pics!

Here are a few photos to highlight some of our summer so far...despite the weather and our crazy work schedules, we are trying to get in some "fun" time as well!

CAMPING AT MARCO POLO

BOYS JUST BEING SILLY...They thought they looked like twins. Our oldest boys are 21 months apart in age and our youngest children are 8 months apart.

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BEACH DAY...and ALYSSA's EARS ARE PIERECED...too cute!

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FUN DAY AT THE PETTING ZOO and CARNIVAL RIDES

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Now that's a look of pure fun!!!!

International Justice Day

Can we make a difference for social justice around the world? I believe we can. Please watch this video and visit Mocha Club at www.mochaclub.org to be part of a change, a part of empowering people to rise above poverty, disease and hopelessness. Can it be done? Yes it can!

What's been happening....

There has been lots going on since the last time I wrote a "real" update. I'll add photos later but here's a run down of our happenings since the end of June....

*June 17 - Evan's 1 Year Gotcha Day - we went our for a celebration dinner and enjoyed reminiscing about our time in China and all the ups and downs of the last year. What I really enjoy is how much Evan remembers about his life in China and he LOVES to talk about it. He has an amazing memory and we've learned a lot about his daily life in China, things he did with his mama and baba (and his big brother), the kind of toys and food he enjoyed, etc...It has only been in the last couple of months that Evan has started to really feel like he belongs in Canada and with our family. For many, many months he loved China best and loved his mama best. He still talks about China and really wants to go back but we can tell that he is enjoying his new family, his new home and his life here in Canada. We have always been completely open to talking about China, to listening and comforting him when he talked about going back and living with his mama (even though it was heartbreaking to hear) and we are honest with him about why he is with us, that we are so happy we are his parents but also that we understand his connection and love for China and his foster family. He has even started calling me "mama" when before he would immediately correct himself and call me "mommy".

We are feeling much more settled and in a more "normal" relationship with Evan - as opposed to living with a stranger. I love, love, love him and feel like we have a healthy attachment. He has bonded very well with our other kids. It's still a challenge for Chris and Evan - Evan doesn't seem to "need" the attachment with Chris and Chris finds it difficult to attach as well. It's way better now than it was in the beginning. But, that's also the reality of older child adoption sometimes.

Kindergarten Graduation - Alyssa and Evan graduated from Kindergarten. Hard to believe all my kids will be in school next year :-(

Alyssa got her ears pierced - they look adorable! She didn't even flinch...we had used some numbing gel on her ears and she smiled the whole way through.

Dylan and Caleb off to camp - Dylan spent a week at Canoe Cove Christian Camp and had an absolute blast! Caleb is away this week at Camp Seggie. I'm sure he's having just as much fun. Alyssa and Evan and Dylan are at Vacation Bible School this week (in the morning) so that works out well with my work schedule. Not so many hours with a babysitter.

Off camping - our family got to spend 3 days camping - unfortunately I had put my back out and could barely move. The pain was exhausting and made me a tad cranky. Camping isn't much fun when you can't move around. Anyway...the kids did enjoy themselves and it's always a treat to get away for a few days :-)

Life has been busy, busy, busy...Alyssa and Evan are playing soccer this summer and Caleb is playing baseball. Dylan decided not to play organized sports this summer (yes!) but he is attending hockey camps instead. Chris is working 12 hour shifts (nights and days) so that doesn't help with all the driving, scheduling and play time. It's not as much fun to head off to the beach knowing Chris is stuck at work :-)

I am always looking for ways, tips and advice on how to simplify our crazy life and to have time to just chill out with the kids....your advice is welcome!

So...I'll post some photos later tonight.

Hope everyone is having a great summer so far!

Turmoil...

I'm sure all of you have heard about the bankruptcy of Imagine Adoption. Just google it and you'll find tons of stories of families who have been affected all over Canada (approx. 400). We have 7 families here in PEI directly affected. Families are asking for everyone to write letters to their MPs to urge governments to step in and help families complete their adoption processes.

Please visit our PEI adoption site at www.adoptionmatters.info for the latest news and links to important information regarding this.

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For family and friends who check our blog from away....we are all well and I will update on the lastest "MacKinnon" happenings in the next few days.

For now, we are doing whatever we can to offer support for our families here in PEI!

Can we really just sit by????

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine and injustice when He could do something about it...but I'm afraid He might ask me the same question." ~ Anonymous

"We are the first generation that can look extreme and stupid poverty in the eye, look across to Africa and elsewhere, and say this and mean it: we have the cash, we have the drugs and we have the science - but do we have the will? Do we have the will to make poverty history? Some say we can't afford to. I say we can't afford not to." - Bono

"Because where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

~ Matthew 6:21 ~

What to say?

No news...nothing much to write. I'm still feeling way down in the dumps but it is refreshing to see actual sunshine. Life is just so weird sometimes.

Anyway...one year ago today we were in China waiting to see if we would get to meet Evan. All the other families received their children on this day but we had to wait because our paperwork wasn't ready. Our actual "gotcha day" anniversary is tomorrow. I seriously can't believe a whole year has gone by since that little tornado joined our family! More pics and updates on him tomorrow to celebrate one year!

There has been TONS of exciting adoption news on PEI lately...we've had a family return home recently with their little one from China, there is a family in China right now, we had 2 families receive referrals from China in the last couple of weeks, we have another family waiting to hear about a referral any day (from China) and we've had a couple of families return from Ethiopia with their new children. That's a lot of happy mommies and daddies!!!

More tomorrow....

There is nothing positive to write...we received the dreaded news this week about the little one we are hoping to adopt. The court date for the child was not successful which means crown wardship (permanent custody) was not granted. At this point, we are not sure why...we don't know if custody was given back to the mother or if another court date was set to fight it out in court. I don't think I ever let myself really think about the court date failing...needless to say, it was a punch in the gut when I was told. I knew I shouldn't get my hopes up but you know what...I'm still naive and believe in the "good". I just assumed in my belief that this situation would turn out "good". It didn't. I don't know what is happening now...I don't know if our chances are over or if it just means another 6-12 months of waiting. If that's what it means, can we do that? And then at the end of that waiting be devestated again? I just don't know...

It's been a difficult week. There are some other issues we are living with, dealing with and trying to sort through with our oldest, oldest son. He is back living with us. That is a HUGE change for us...we are struggling with being supportive for him and trying to hold the rest of the family together.

Well...when it rains it pours. I'm dying for a little sunshine.

Life is so unpredictable

Evan and I got home last Wednesday. Life has thrown us some curves...very sad and unnerving curves.

I will say Evan is a real trooper and is doing well! His swelling has gone down and his face is looking much, much better! He is definitely still favoring his sore hip and tonight we take the bandages off to reveal the "big scar" :-)

So as far as Evan goes...all is good...each day is getting stronger and feeling more like himself.

As for the other things life is throwing at us...we are dealing with a very sad death and some very emotional things with our oldest, oldest son. I wish I could share more details as I would love to ask for advice but right now we are trying to sort through some of the issues.

Do you ever feel like there is something "more" you should be doing but it seems so huge it doesn't seem possible? I have been feeling like this for quite awhile now. In the last few months different situations have come up that keep pointing me in a certain direction. Yet, the direction seems too impossible...how do you know when to give up everything for the "something" that might mean everything? Confused? YES, SO AM I!!

Enjoy the sun today!

What a kid!

Well Evan seems to be getting back to his old self...cranky, demanding and wanting a new toy! His pain is much worse but that's because they were trying to give him less meds. Needless to say, we asked for an extra dose and PLEASE lace it with lots of codeine...haha...kidding of course...sort of.

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He is CRANKY! I guess I would be too but this is what I feared...being alone with him and not being able to do anything to please him :-( We brought the game cube and after a frantic phone call to Dylan at home to see why it wasn't working we realized dumb me - I forgot one of the cords so he isn't able to play it. I'm trying to find one here in the hospital...surely somewhere on some floor there is an extra gamecube!

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When the pediatrician was checking over Evan she noticed a heart murmur so the cardiologist was in today to check it out. Evan does have 2 different heart murmurs I'm told and he will have a few tests later today. I'm sure everything will be fine and then.....hopefully we can leave tomorrow! YAY!!!!!

Sweet little thing...

**Update: Evan is out of surgery and I'm told it went really well. I can't see much right now...lips and nose are swollen. He is sore but sleeping with all those great meds! :-)

I just left the hospital. Evan is fast asleep and they have begun his surgery. It should take about 4 hours. They are telling me it will be very painful for a few days. They are taking bone from his hip (which is the most painful part) and then they'll make it into a putty like substance and fill in his palate.

I was able to go in with Evan while they put him to sleep. I've been lucky...every time one of my children had to be put to sleep they have let me in the operating room. I always feel so much better holding their hand and being the last face they see as they drift off.

I'm sure everything will go wonderfully. I'm heading back to set up his room and put up some balloons and get out his blankie and pillow.

Have a great day....
Tammy

It's Surgery Time!

Evan and I are heading back to IWK (Children's Hospital) in Halifax to have his big surgery. This time he is having a bone graft surgery to hopefully correct his palate once and for all. They will be taking bone from his hip and restructuring his palate. He did have surgery in November but when they removed some of his teeth (grown up in the cleft), it caused an even bigger split in the palate. So, this time, they will crack it (sounds horrific) and then restructure it.

We leave tomorrow for some pre surgery appointments and then his actual surgery is on Monday morning with Dr. Precious. Isn't that an awesome name for a child doctor?! Unfortunately, Chris isn't able to come with me this time. He will be staying home with the other kiddos and he working. He also just found out he is working the night shift ALL WEEK so now my dad has kindly offered to come and stay at our house to help with the kids. And that leaves little 'ole me all alone at the IWK. I'm thinking optimistically - I'm taking my laptop and I have a project to organize the last 6 years of digital photos...I've borrowed lots of new books to read and I'll be taking the game cube to occupy Evan.

Staying 24/7 in a small hosptial room for 5-6 days isn't really my idea of a great time BUT we sure are excited to finally have this surgery for Evan. He is extremely thrilled to finally have his "hole closed" as he knows it will help with his speech and with all the gross stuff coming out his nose (and we are definitely happy about that as well).

So, wish us luck and wish me sanity!!!!!!! :-)

On another note....do you think we should cut Evan's hair short....the way it is now is sweet...it's just that it is always sticking up in the back like a rooster. But when it's really short does it look too severe??????

Evan with the buzz cut...last summer in China

Evan with his longer hair...now

Half Way

Today is May 15th. We are halfway through the month of May. So far we haven't heard any news on the little one that is on our hearts. 15 more days until the end of May. We know May is the month where a decision could possibly be made....

Color Blind?

I met with a "professional" to discuss Alyssa and Evan and some of my concerns about them entering an "all-white" school. My concerns about how the school will handle the issue of race as well as their adoption. This professional assured me that she loved with her heart and didn't see color. Really? Because it's OKAY for you to see Alyssa and Evan as Chinese! How insulting (and racist??) to think the acceptable answer to racism is to be color blind. I want people to acknowledge, accept and embrace the fact that Alyssa and Evan are Chinese. I want Alyssa and Evan to grow up PROUD of being Chinese and being confident in who they are and where they came from.

Seriously....

Do we want to deny this beautiful girl her heritage by pretending she's white?

Or take away this handsome little fellow's first 5 years of life trying to pretend he is only Canadian and his life in China meant nothing?

***Added later....my husband thinks I'm over analyzing what people mean when they say they are "color blind". He thinks they are just trying to say that they accept and love our kids and it doesn't matter to them what race they are. I still think it's important for people to understand what their words convey to people of race. But, I promise to nicely and calmly educate people who may tell me they are "color blind".***

Thanks!

Thanks to those who emailed me or left comments for the "Where do you stand" post. I enjoy reading other people's opinions and points of view. Believe it or not, I love a good debate, a good controversy and stirring the pot. It's always interesting to put a topic out there and see what people are thinking. I guess on this particular topic it's a tough call to make in a general sense. As everyone pointed out, there are SO MANY factors involved in making a decision on whether a child is better off with birth family (and a "sucky" life) or with caring individuals. And then, what constitutes a great life? My biggest concern with this whole topic is having children's emotional needs met through positive interactions, communication, touch, care, etc...

I didn't realize some consider religious beliefs to be a form of abuse. Very interesting concept! I've actually read from some people (not on my blog) who don't like when "religious" people adopt children because they think they will brainwash the children.

And then, I have to consider that raising children in Canada and thinking I know what is "good parenting" here is WAY different than parenting in other countries - like China or African countries. We once had a foster child from an african country and her upbringing was QUITE different from how we parent here in Canada (generally speaking). Discipline methods in the child's country were also QUITE different than what's "acceptable" here in Canada. So, all of that has to play a part in whether a child is better off with birth parents or not. Definitely a complex topic and no easy answer. Let's just say, I probably wouldn't be the best candidate for a judge in family court.

Still debating on the whole school issue....send the kids to all white school while living in an all white community, send the kids to a more diverse school but still live in our all white communty (mostly white) or move to a different area (still in PEI) with diversity in the community and the school?????? We're talking about my children's lives here...this is HUGE!

On that note...here's the newest family photo...we only have a couple since Evan came home (10 months ago!)

Loving Others

A sweet, sweet little girl died recently. Her parents are heart broken, hopeless and devastated. This little girl was only 4 years old and her death was completely unexpected. She also has a little brother. This family is needing their community to love them right now.

Unfortunately, money has become a stress for this family - during a time of unfathomable tragedy a family shouldn't have to worry about financial needs. They are wanting to buy a tombstone for their daughter's grave site but cannot afford it. They are also unable to work right now due to their tremendous grief.

There is a benefit concert being held THIS FRIDAY, May 8th. Please consider coming out and surrounding this family with love and support. As hard as it is to lose a precious child you love, we can be there for them, they can come and see how many people love them and cherish the life of their little girl.

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Please join us on Friday at East Wiltshire School 7:30pm. Ninth Hour will be providing music and there will be a Silent Auction. The financial help will definitely ease some burdens for this family but our show of support and love will do even more to touch this family. Please come.

You can also donate by clicking the PayPal button on the right hand side of the blog. I will pay all the paypal charges so every cent donated will go directly to this family.

Thank you.

Parents: Dan and Becky (Mullen) Harding

Where do you stand?

As you know, Chris and I have been fostering for more than 11 years (we stared really young :-)). There have been times when it's been extremely difficult to watch children leave and go home to their birth families. That's the truth. Not all children are going home to nice families, clean homes, proper care, etc...

Sometimes I find it very hard to let the children go...knowing what is waiting for them....sometimes I can't justify them having a sucky life just to live with mom. My social worker once told me that I have an extremely high standard for parenting and not all families can meet those standards and that I shouldn't expect families to have those standards. So, this is has been on my mind a lot as we continue to foster children and see them go home.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHERE DO YOU STAND? Do you think it's better for a child to have a "sucky" life but live with birth parents or do you think it's better for a child to have a great life with caring individuals who are not their birth parents?

By "sucky" I don't mean extreme physical and sexual abuse. Hopefully children will NOT be placed back into homes with those risks. Hopefully....

I mean things like living in an environment where they aren't kept clean, clothes are dirty, torn, not enough food to eat, sent to school without lunches, homework is never completed and parents don't take the time to help with it, not many friends because they are "dirty" or "poor", parents don't take an interest in the child, there are no loving touches, quality communication between parent and child, no effort to build confidence and self-esteem in the child, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect, etc, etc, etc....

I know the general public would be shocked to know how many of the children in our communities are growing up in homes like this.

I have seen many, many children absolutely blossom and thrive in foster homes. After weeks and months in care they lose the vacant look, they become happy & confident, they are not afraid, they don't cower when you discipline them (with voice, not physical!), they begin to show interests in activities, etc...

I am NOT saying the answer is having children grow up in foster homes. I believe each and every child needs a permanent family of their own. But, I would lean more towards thinking IT IS BETTER for a child to have a great life with caring individuls rather than have a sucky life and sucky parents but have to live that way because they are with their birth parents.

What do you think? I really want to hear your point of view! You don't have to use your name, just sign in under "Anonymous" if you want.

And one last time....

We DO NOT have the Swine Flu!

Seriously, our family is getting harrassed about spreading the Swine Flu to everyone we come in contact with! Even the kids are having trouble with this at school - no joke! I find this very insulting...do people really think I wouldn't be cautious about this considering we were just in Mexico 7 days ago? I do listen to the news and I've heard EVERYTHING there is to know about this flu.

Just to reassure all the harrassers out there - we have talked with our family doctor, we have gone to ch'town's "swine flu clinic", we have called the 1-888 number for PEI Public Health, specifically set up to screen people about this flu, and finally, the Chief Medical Advisor of PEI (that would be Dr. Lamont Sweet) has declared our family is NOT at risk, we do NOT need to be tested, we are NOT spreading germs to anyone and we are SAFE to be around.

So, please...end of story.

How far would you go?

The little child I spoke of a few posts ago is constantly on my mind. It's strange to be pursuing an adoption, yet we are not really officially "adopting". I can't go around sharing where we are in the process (we aren't anywhere in the process) yet this child is on all our hearts (our children know about this child).

I can say we are actively pursuing this particular child. We are adamant this child deserves us to push, advocate, inquire, ask questions, pray for, love. I was thinking today what lengths we (people in general, not just us) will go to bring a child home. At this point, Chris and I could start our next adoption - officially. It's been 10 months since we adopted Evan so we are now far enough along to update our homestudy, choose a country and get on board the adoption roller coaster. But, we are so adamant in our pursuit of this particular child that we will not start another "official" adoption. How far, how long will we continue to pursue? Honestly, until we are left with absoutely no options to adopt this child. As I mentioned earlier, May is a big month as this is when (hopefully!) decisions might be made in regards to the child's "adoptability".

I wish I could share a bit of what this journey has been like for me, someday I hope I can write it all out. It's hard not to share adoption news or to share when there isn't any. It's hard to not seem too eager, too desperate but yet put enough pressure to get things started. It's so hard to not be able to communicate with this child, to let he/she know how much he/she is already loved & cherished, how much we are all advocating for his/her life.

I keep listening to the song "Gotta Be Somebody" by Nickelback - I know this child feels exactly what this song is saying...I wish I could let him/her know we are their "Somebody". Please, please pray for the court date in May.

'Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
'Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There's gotta be somebody for me like that
'Cause nobody wants to do it on their own
And everyone wants to know their not alone
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There's gotta be someone for me out there

Hot Hot Hot!

WOW! We are loving Mexico and having a great time with the kids! It is HOT! Evan says he wants to go home because it's too hot! This is the same kid who spent the winter telling us he wanted to go back to China because he was too cold! You seriously can't please that kid! (Those who know Evan personally know exactly what I'm talking about :-))

The kids are having a blast - there are big waterslides (scary, dark tunnel ones!), smaller waterslides, a kids pool, games room, kids club...lots of restaurants...the older boys are LOVING that they can get drinks whenever they want and you will often see them walking around the pool with the Mango Tango drinks.

I have a story I want to share...it may mean absolutely nothing but it also may mean everything...if you've been reading the blog you know Chris and I are struggling with what to do about sending our children to a mainly caucasian school (very few visible minorities)...we are getting different opinions on the subject and that's great because it gives us lots to think about and lots of ideas to consider! BUT, here at our resort there are a few Asian families (maybe 3 or 4 families). All the kids have been making friends each day as they play (gotta love that about kids, right!). Anyway...Evan has been playing/talking with lots of different kids but last night he told me he had made his first "friend" in Mexico. I asked him who it was and he showed me an Asian boy about 9 years old. Although he had played and laughed and talked with many other children (all caucasian) he declared his first "friend" to be the little boy who was Asian. Like I said, could be nothing but it could also be very telling. Do I believe Evan will have lots of caucasian friends - absolutely! It's just that for him, he is more typically drawn to Asian people and he relates to them in a different way than non-asian people/children. He is extremely aware of his chinese heritage, he is proud to be from China (and would like to move back) and he is most connected to China (in comparison to Alyssa). So, maybe for him, he would feel more connected, would fit in better, would feel less different if he was in a school with peers of Asian descent????

Anyway...food for my thought.

Here are a few pics...not too many...I don't want anyone to feel bad about still being in the cold weather!!!!

Oh forget it! It's taking forever to upload a picture...I'll try more later.

Waiting....

I mentioned a couple of times that Chris and I were thinking of adopting again. Strangely, there has been so much and yet so little happening in this area. Chris and I were told about a child's situation back in October and since that time we have been pursuing the adoption of that child. It is so crazy because when we were told about this particular child, my first words to the SW were, "I'm sorry, I'm going to cry" but Chris' first words were, "what do we have to do to adopt her/him" (sorry, I can't reveal if it's a boy or girl)". This was back in October, only 3 months after adopting Evan. Now, for those of you who know our family and my husband, what a twist of irony for HIM to be the one to suggest adoption!! :-) It's not that I wasn't thinking it, I just didn't dare say it! But because it was something he said first, I knew it was okay to do whatever we could to pursue this adoption.

Unfortunately, I can't give any details at all! Are we any closer to adopting this child? Not really. Is there a chance we will not be able to adopt this child? Absolutely! When we will know anything? Not till May!

What I can say is we have made it very clear that we want to adopt this child and the people involved with this child seem to be working towards that. A lot of stuff is up in the air due to legalalities, courts, laws, etc...

I have been keeping track of all the tiny miracles and opening doors that have brought us to where we are with this child. I have not talked about this adoption very much as it is completely different than our other 2 experiences with adoption. Knowing you want this child so much but having so little control is awful. It's not like you get a referral and then you wait your 1-6 months to travel....this is months of waiting to hear what decisions are being made that will affect this child's life forever.

We have been waiting for news for 7 months...last month I told my friend M about having to wait until May before we heard anything at all and her she told me, "That okay! It gives us more time to pray!" Can you all please remember this child in your prayers? That the people making the decisions for his/her life will make them quickly and not 12 months from now... That he/she can move on to a have a family of his/her own...That he/she is being loved and cared for while he/she waits...

I was sure by now, God,
That you would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "amen"
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear you whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
And as your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

Lyrics from "Praise you in this Storm" by Casting Crowns

Advice?? Tips??

So, Alyssa and Evan are starting grade 1 in September. I am starting to really think about the impact of this in regards to their race and their adoptions. For so long they have been in our "bubble" - you know, we decide who they talk to, who plays with them, where they go, what they do, what they hear, etc, etc...I mean, that's just the way it is with toddlers and preschoolers, we are around them all the time and handle any situations that come up.

Now, we have been very open about their adoptions, their race and we've tried to explain and talk about why people might say certain things BUT they will be on their own next year. My little babies out there on the big school yard all by themselves :-)

I have a meeting with the school's principal on Thursday and I'm wondering if any of you have any advice or tips or questions I should bring up when I meet with her. Alyssa and Evan will be the only Asian children in their school and in fact, may be the only non-caucasian children in the entire school. Every adult adoptee I have talked to, heard workshops from, read their blogs, etc.. all of them say parents SHOULD NOT put their children in schools where they are the ONLY child of their minority. What do I do? How do I handle this? I have asked the school board to bring in someone who can talk to the teachers/staff and children about race and appropriate talk about different races but is it enough? Will Alyssa and Evan always feel that they are different? That they don't belong? Don't fit in?

What about appropriate adoption talk? Does anyone have a list or something that would cover do's and don'ts when talking about adoption? For example, don't say "do you know your real mother?", rather say "do you know your birth mother".

If anyone has some helpful tips or advice they could pass on to me to help me prepare for the meeting with the school, I would greatly appreciate it!!!

THANKS!!

It's not pretty....

I need to write this post...it's been on my heart for a very long time. Mostly, I want to write it because I know this blog will be saved and will be part of "me" when I am no longer here. It will be something my children and maybe even my grandchildren will read as it's my way of "journaling".

This post is sort of "part 2" of the post I wrote called "Crazy? Insane? Idiot?". I know most people will shy away from reading the whole blog post and will turn away from its truth. It's not pretty...it's much easier to live without knowing than to know and have to do something about it.

the question is WHY? So many people have asked me "why"? Why do I care so much about adoption? Why would I keep adopting? Why do I always talk about it? Why am I so burdened by hurt and lonely children? Why would I want to keep adding children to my already "full house"? Why, why, why?

Tonight I was discussing a very serious matter with my husband about a potential adoption (for us! more on this at another time) and he said to me "But even if this adoption works out you will still think about it all the time, you won't stop!" He's absolutely right! And I refuse to apologize anymore for having lonely, hurt and broken children on my heart, all the time! I pray God never allows me to become so comfortable in this selfish world that I would forget the hurting children.

Jesus says in Matthew 25:35,36, 40, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, for I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least one of these, you did for me"

I see my own children in all the children. I think about each child as if they were my own - how would I feel if it were my child who was cold? hungry? alone? crying? unloved? unwanted? afraid? Truly, a day does not go by that I don't weep for these children, wishing I could do more, wishing I could be more for them. I cannot live my life pretending these children don't exsist. I can't live frivilously knowing children are sick, hungry and alone. I will not! It's hard to do in this society...we are so full of ourselves and what we think we "deserve". We are constantly putting oursleves first and focusing on our greediness. I want to be different than that. I want to put those children first...i have everything (and SO MUCH more) I need...I don't want to live a selfish life caring only about myself...I want to love with the love that Jesus has filled me with.

What God has given me is not only a heart for the orphans but a voice! I was voted "most outspoken" in high school and I think most people who know me would still agree with that! I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it! I tell anyone and everyone about children, about orphans, how they can help, what they can do, how they can adopt...I can use my voice to advocate for the most vulnerable, I can use my voice to fight for children who have no one.

I was reading a blog the other day (a really incredible young lady who loves like Jesus) and I loved what she had written...Do you love your neighbor as much as you love yourself? Do you love your 147 million orphaned neighbours and the 3.5 million homeless (in America alone) as much as you love yourself? Do you grieve for them the same way you would if it were your own children who were hungry and homeless? What would be different if you did? If this day is all you're promised, what are you doing with it? Right now, today, are you doing what you want to be doing when Christ comes back?"

God wants us to love others...he wants us to love the orphans...he wants us to love the poor...he wants us to be so much more than just living every day for ourselves....

"...I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We don't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small but you are living them in a small way. I am speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively." 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

Luke 3:11 - "John replied, 'If you have 2 shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry'."

I've been hearing a lot at church lately that all God wants from us is just a relationship with Him. He doesn't "expect" anything from us, we don't need to "do" anything for Him and yet, I read over and over again in scripture that God does want us to "do" something. Not to earn His love or to earn our place in Heaven but because it's what His pure love is. Loving others. Over and over again, scripture tells us to love the orphans, the poor, the lonely, to love the least of these people is to love Jesus. If we have a relationship with Christ then we will be OVERFLOWING with His love and His compassion and we won't be able to sit and do nothing!!! The love will flow out of us and we will want to share it. And not just sharing it with the Christians we are comfortable with but with "the least of these" - seeking those who need God's love!

James 1:27 tell us, "Religion that God our Father considers pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

A few more places where God tells us to have mercy, be kind, love others...

Matthew 5:7
Matthew 25:34-36
Luke 14:12-14
1 Thessalonians 5:14-15
Romans 12:13-16
Colossians 3:12-14
Matthew 19:21
Mark 10:19-21
Luke 18:22

It's not pretty, but it's true. There are children who need us, people who need us...we cannot live as if they don't exist. We cannot forget them. We have to do something. We must love with Jesus' love.

Thoughts on Dominican

Finally! A chance to update on Dominican and add some photos. What a beautiful week we had - hot and sunny everyday (as you can tell from my sunburned legs - hee hee)

We traveled with 2 other couples - the whole gang, relaxing for supper!

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So, before Chris and I decided to book the trip, we agreed that if we went south we would take the opportunity to visit local villages, families, children and schools. We wanted to see first hand how we could help once we came back to Canada. I truly believe we can use EVERY opportunity to reach out to others.

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Before we traveled, I had made contacts with a couple of organizations and individuals who work specifically with children in the Punta Cana area. I was able to connect with a man, originially from Toronto, who is living and working in Dominican. He calls himself "Punta Cana Mike". He has been instrumental in building a school for chidlren to attend for free. In Dominican, children have to pay a monthly fee to attend school and they also need to purchase a uniform. MANY cannot afford this so they miss out on school. So, a school was created from an old concrete building specifically to educate the children who could not afford public school. The teachers are all VOLUNTEERS and the school has grown from 35 students to over 150 in the past year!

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Chris and I (along with the other 2 couples we traveled with) took suitcases filled with supplies for the school. It was such a treat to be able to give these items to the children for their school. Chris and I met up with "Punta Cana Mike" and spent the morning with him, visiting the school, the local community, the families and the children who attend the school.

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After visiting the school, and hearing about their needs, their hopes and their desires to expand the school, Chris and I decided we would use our family charity (Two Homes One Heart) to build the community an outdoor playground. The playground will be built on the school property but I say "community playground" because it will truly be something everyone will enjoy. As we walked the streets of the small community, we quickly saw there was nothing to really entertain the children...no play things of any kind - toys, books, games, etc...The families lived in very small homes (about the size of our outdoor sheds)or they lived in rusted out buses. They don't have any of the luxuries we are used to like cooking stoves, fridges, washer/dryers, grocery stores, etc...They cooked their meals over open flame (when there was meat to cook) and mostly live on vegies and rice. We also found out the average INCOME per family is $50/month! And you know what else we noticed? The price of food and clothing is not much cheaper than what we pay in Canada! Can you imagine trying to feed and clothe your family on $50/ month??!! and then paying for them to go to school? PEOPLE!!!! We are so completely SPOILED ROTTEN!

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Chris and I, along with Punta Cana Mike thought an outdoor playground would be a lot of fun for the children. It would give them a comman place to hang out together, interact with their families, have a place for activity during school breaks, etc...

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our goal is to raise about $4000 to build them a full playground with slides, swings and some smaller items for the toddler/preschool classes. For an example of what we are talking about, click HERE to see the one we build at our daughter's orphanage in China.

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If anyone is traveling to Punta Cana and would like to meet up with "Punta Cana Mike" or another contact we've made, please email me and I''ll give you all the info. I also have contacts for Puerta Plata area!

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Scoping out the school, checking out the area...

The site of the new playground

One of the classrooms. There are 4 and none have electricity. They split the day into 2 so that all the kids can attend. Half go in the morning and the other half go in the afternoon.

This is what's on both sides of the school. They would like to purchase this lot here and expand the school. The price for this lot is $20,000!

In the background you'll see part of the community...the homes....

Here is the sweetest little boy who stole my heart (but then, they all do!)

This was a little store...this "store" supports a whole family. Another little friend we made on our visit. His brother is the one taking the picture. He LOVED our digital camera.

Several families lived in these buses.

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Chris and I went on a 4 wheeler excursion and were able to visit many children and their families. We took about 50 toothbrushes/tooth paste sets and about 150 granola bars with us. We tied the bag of "goodies" to our handlebars and off we went. We passed out every single one and I wished I had brought more! Everyone (parents, adults, teenagers, our guides!) was asking for the toothbrushes and tooth paste. I didn't realize they would be such a hit. Next time, we will take tons more!!!

Hanging with some very sweet kids - all of them got extra granola bars for their cuteness and they also got new toothbrushes and toothpaste! You'll see a little girl in the background by the fence...don't worry, she was not forgotten. She received treats as well!

Chris was captivated by this sweet little girl. She was shy but she had the most amazing blue eyes! She loved her treats from Chris!