What a kid!

Well Evan seems to be getting back to his old self...cranky, demanding and wanting a new toy! His pain is much worse but that's because they were trying to give him less meds. Needless to say, we asked for an extra dose and PLEASE lace it with lots of codeine...haha...kidding of course...sort of.

-

He is CRANKY! I guess I would be too but this is what I feared...being alone with him and not being able to do anything to please him :-( We brought the game cube and after a frantic phone call to Dylan at home to see why it wasn't working we realized dumb me - I forgot one of the cords so he isn't able to play it. I'm trying to find one here in the hospital...surely somewhere on some floor there is an extra gamecube!

-

When the pediatrician was checking over Evan she noticed a heart murmur so the cardiologist was in today to check it out. Evan does have 2 different heart murmurs I'm told and he will have a few tests later today. I'm sure everything will be fine and then.....hopefully we can leave tomorrow! YAY!!!!!

Sweet little thing...

**Update: Evan is out of surgery and I'm told it went really well. I can't see much right now...lips and nose are swollen. He is sore but sleeping with all those great meds! :-)

I just left the hospital. Evan is fast asleep and they have begun his surgery. It should take about 4 hours. They are telling me it will be very painful for a few days. They are taking bone from his hip (which is the most painful part) and then they'll make it into a putty like substance and fill in his palate.

I was able to go in with Evan while they put him to sleep. I've been lucky...every time one of my children had to be put to sleep they have let me in the operating room. I always feel so much better holding their hand and being the last face they see as they drift off.

I'm sure everything will go wonderfully. I'm heading back to set up his room and put up some balloons and get out his blankie and pillow.

Have a great day....
Tammy

It's Surgery Time!

Evan and I are heading back to IWK (Children's Hospital) in Halifax to have his big surgery. This time he is having a bone graft surgery to hopefully correct his palate once and for all. They will be taking bone from his hip and restructuring his palate. He did have surgery in November but when they removed some of his teeth (grown up in the cleft), it caused an even bigger split in the palate. So, this time, they will crack it (sounds horrific) and then restructure it.

We leave tomorrow for some pre surgery appointments and then his actual surgery is on Monday morning with Dr. Precious. Isn't that an awesome name for a child doctor?! Unfortunately, Chris isn't able to come with me this time. He will be staying home with the other kiddos and he working. He also just found out he is working the night shift ALL WEEK so now my dad has kindly offered to come and stay at our house to help with the kids. And that leaves little 'ole me all alone at the IWK. I'm thinking optimistically - I'm taking my laptop and I have a project to organize the last 6 years of digital photos...I've borrowed lots of new books to read and I'll be taking the game cube to occupy Evan.

Staying 24/7 in a small hosptial room for 5-6 days isn't really my idea of a great time BUT we sure are excited to finally have this surgery for Evan. He is extremely thrilled to finally have his "hole closed" as he knows it will help with his speech and with all the gross stuff coming out his nose (and we are definitely happy about that as well).

So, wish us luck and wish me sanity!!!!!!! :-)

On another note....do you think we should cut Evan's hair short....the way it is now is sweet...it's just that it is always sticking up in the back like a rooster. But when it's really short does it look too severe??????

Evan with the buzz cut...last summer in China

Evan with his longer hair...now

Half Way

Today is May 15th. We are halfway through the month of May. So far we haven't heard any news on the little one that is on our hearts. 15 more days until the end of May. We know May is the month where a decision could possibly be made....

Color Blind?

I met with a "professional" to discuss Alyssa and Evan and some of my concerns about them entering an "all-white" school. My concerns about how the school will handle the issue of race as well as their adoption. This professional assured me that she loved with her heart and didn't see color. Really? Because it's OKAY for you to see Alyssa and Evan as Chinese! How insulting (and racist??) to think the acceptable answer to racism is to be color blind. I want people to acknowledge, accept and embrace the fact that Alyssa and Evan are Chinese. I want Alyssa and Evan to grow up PROUD of being Chinese and being confident in who they are and where they came from.

Seriously....

Do we want to deny this beautiful girl her heritage by pretending she's white?

Or take away this handsome little fellow's first 5 years of life trying to pretend he is only Canadian and his life in China meant nothing?

***Added later....my husband thinks I'm over analyzing what people mean when they say they are "color blind". He thinks they are just trying to say that they accept and love our kids and it doesn't matter to them what race they are. I still think it's important for people to understand what their words convey to people of race. But, I promise to nicely and calmly educate people who may tell me they are "color blind".***

Thanks!

Thanks to those who emailed me or left comments for the "Where do you stand" post. I enjoy reading other people's opinions and points of view. Believe it or not, I love a good debate, a good controversy and stirring the pot. It's always interesting to put a topic out there and see what people are thinking. I guess on this particular topic it's a tough call to make in a general sense. As everyone pointed out, there are SO MANY factors involved in making a decision on whether a child is better off with birth family (and a "sucky" life) or with caring individuals. And then, what constitutes a great life? My biggest concern with this whole topic is having children's emotional needs met through positive interactions, communication, touch, care, etc...

I didn't realize some consider religious beliefs to be a form of abuse. Very interesting concept! I've actually read from some people (not on my blog) who don't like when "religious" people adopt children because they think they will brainwash the children.

And then, I have to consider that raising children in Canada and thinking I know what is "good parenting" here is WAY different than parenting in other countries - like China or African countries. We once had a foster child from an african country and her upbringing was QUITE different from how we parent here in Canada (generally speaking). Discipline methods in the child's country were also QUITE different than what's "acceptable" here in Canada. So, all of that has to play a part in whether a child is better off with birth parents or not. Definitely a complex topic and no easy answer. Let's just say, I probably wouldn't be the best candidate for a judge in family court.

Still debating on the whole school issue....send the kids to all white school while living in an all white community, send the kids to a more diverse school but still live in our all white communty (mostly white) or move to a different area (still in PEI) with diversity in the community and the school?????? We're talking about my children's lives here...this is HUGE!

On that note...here's the newest family photo...we only have a couple since Evan came home (10 months ago!)

Loving Others

A sweet, sweet little girl died recently. Her parents are heart broken, hopeless and devastated. This little girl was only 4 years old and her death was completely unexpected. She also has a little brother. This family is needing their community to love them right now.

Unfortunately, money has become a stress for this family - during a time of unfathomable tragedy a family shouldn't have to worry about financial needs. They are wanting to buy a tombstone for their daughter's grave site but cannot afford it. They are also unable to work right now due to their tremendous grief.

There is a benefit concert being held THIS FRIDAY, May 8th. Please consider coming out and surrounding this family with love and support. As hard as it is to lose a precious child you love, we can be there for them, they can come and see how many people love them and cherish the life of their little girl.

-

Please join us on Friday at East Wiltshire School 7:30pm. Ninth Hour will be providing music and there will be a Silent Auction. The financial help will definitely ease some burdens for this family but our show of support and love will do even more to touch this family. Please come.

You can also donate by clicking the PayPal button on the right hand side of the blog. I will pay all the paypal charges so every cent donated will go directly to this family.

Thank you.

Parents: Dan and Becky (Mullen) Harding

Where do you stand?

As you know, Chris and I have been fostering for more than 11 years (we stared really young :-)). There have been times when it's been extremely difficult to watch children leave and go home to their birth families. That's the truth. Not all children are going home to nice families, clean homes, proper care, etc...

Sometimes I find it very hard to let the children go...knowing what is waiting for them....sometimes I can't justify them having a sucky life just to live with mom. My social worker once told me that I have an extremely high standard for parenting and not all families can meet those standards and that I shouldn't expect families to have those standards. So, this is has been on my mind a lot as we continue to foster children and see them go home.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? WHERE DO YOU STAND? Do you think it's better for a child to have a "sucky" life but live with birth parents or do you think it's better for a child to have a great life with caring individuals who are not their birth parents?

By "sucky" I don't mean extreme physical and sexual abuse. Hopefully children will NOT be placed back into homes with those risks. Hopefully....

I mean things like living in an environment where they aren't kept clean, clothes are dirty, torn, not enough food to eat, sent to school without lunches, homework is never completed and parents don't take the time to help with it, not many friends because they are "dirty" or "poor", parents don't take an interest in the child, there are no loving touches, quality communication between parent and child, no effort to build confidence and self-esteem in the child, verbal and emotional abuse, neglect, etc, etc, etc....

I know the general public would be shocked to know how many of the children in our communities are growing up in homes like this.

I have seen many, many children absolutely blossom and thrive in foster homes. After weeks and months in care they lose the vacant look, they become happy & confident, they are not afraid, they don't cower when you discipline them (with voice, not physical!), they begin to show interests in activities, etc...

I am NOT saying the answer is having children grow up in foster homes. I believe each and every child needs a permanent family of their own. But, I would lean more towards thinking IT IS BETTER for a child to have a great life with caring individuls rather than have a sucky life and sucky parents but have to live that way because they are with their birth parents.

What do you think? I really want to hear your point of view! You don't have to use your name, just sign in under "Anonymous" if you want.