What are our family's thoughts on raising children from different cultural backgrounds?
I think both Chris and I would agree that it is challenging to raise culturally different children in a community and province that is primarily caucasian. We "think" we are preparing our children and we are trying to read as much and prepare as much but in reality, we have no idea what we will face in the next 5-20 years with our children. I may "think" I'm doing things right because I'm teaching my children about their culture, showing them their country and educating them on their traditions and history. But, even in doing all this, we will never be able to understand what it means to lose a birth culture, to constantly wonder about birth families but have no way to get answers, to feel like we don't fit in completely here in Canada nor do we fit in completely in our homeland. Will I know when my child is hurting from being the only asian? the only african? the only south american? When it's time, will I be able to let them go to "find themselves" in their birth countries if that's what they chose. Will I be strong enough to accept that it's not a slight against me if they choose to pursue their birth families or culture? That their anger and hurt may be directed at us because we thought we could give them everything they needed but instead we took them from everything they had?
Do I think children should be placed in similar cultural backgrounds/religion? Actually, I do. If a child can be cherished and loved in a family of similar background then I think they have the right to grow up learning and embracing their cultures first hand.
I am also of the mindset that children can certainly thrive and become happy, well adjusted adults growing up in families that are not of the same cultural background. Obviously, if there is no other choice, a child should go with a family of any cultural background if they will be loved, protected, cherished and safe. I also think past bonds can play a big part in what is best for a child. If a child already has strong, healthy attachment to a family or person, then it would be best to strengthen that bond. Do you know there are thousands of children who go through their life without having any healthy attachments? It is so sad. And if a family from another culture can provide a child with a healthy attachment, then so be it.
Obviously I'm a strong advocate for adoption. I love adoption and what it has done for our family. But I don't kid myself...adoption presents many, many challenges. Our family's responsibilities to our adopted children are so much more than simply loving them. I'm also a strong advocate for families staying together. Probably more so now that we've adopted than before. Through fostering, we've realized how important the birth connection is to a child (even when the birth connection is not good). Children crave a birth connection...they want to know on some level that their birth parents loved them and wanted them. So, there are tons of cases where keeping families together and providing supports for them to be together is best.
Oh, there are no easy answers, that's for sure. I think the bottom line for me is, I truly, truly believe all children need and deserve to be loved by a family. To be protected, safe and cherished by someone.
Even though some may think our family is too big or too overwhelming, I really believe we will continue fostering and adopting as long as there is a need. It is difficult, it is overwhelming and exhausting, yet every day I see the miracle of the children living in my home. How could I not want to be part of more miracles???
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"No one said it would be easy....they just said it would be worth it" (on having children)
Thank you to those who answered my question in the last post. It is a controversial issue and there certainly isn't a right answer or simple answer. I know Chris and I will have to "face the music" with Alyssa and Evan (and any other child we may adopt) in the future as they struggle to figure out all the "whys"....why were they abandoned, why didn't their parents want them enough, why were they taken from everything they knew, why were they raised in an all-white community, etc...
