Crazy? Insane? Idiot?

Clarification: Thank you to the commenters...I love them...keep them coming. Thank you Heidi for your comment as well...yes, I absolutely agree that some birth mothers give their children up out of love...I am speaking only of the situation with my birth mother...trust me, I will never indicate to my own adopted children that they were abandoned out of selfish greed :-) (I don't believe they were abandoned for those reasons at all). I am also writing this post from the perspective of why I continue to adopt, want to foster, want to bring more children into my home when I already "have enough". I will write more about this in a post that's coming soon.

This post has been a long time coming...I have endured "criticism" in the form of jokes, I've had people outright ask me if we are crazy? Insane? I've been called an "idiot" and people just generally make their own judgements about my motives, our family and why we adopt (and foster).


To put in bluntly...I'm really tired of it. The comments I have listened to come from personal friends as well as acquaintances & strangers in our community. Beware...I will try to make this post as honest as possible without being too crabby...no guarantees though :-)

The main reason I want to write this post is to have my own feelings and words written down for Alyssa, Evan, Caleb, Dylan and any other future children who may find their way to our family. It is important for them to know that NO MATTER what others may think about our family, each one of them is worth the effort, love, time and sacrifice involved in having them be part of our family. Without question!

When I was 2 years old I was abandoned by my mother. I grew up with my father and later, his new wife who I now consider to be my "mother". I grew up loved, cherished, encouraged, and wanted. I would say I had a happy childhood with lots of opportunity to try new activities, play sports, be with friends, go on vacations with my family, enjoy relationships with lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...A very "normal" childhood.

I was allowed to see my birth mother every summer. When I was 3 years old, a judge took away all parental rights from my mother and said there would be no visitations allowed. My selfless, loving father had the foresight to know how important a relationship with our birth mother would be and made arrangements that allowed us to visit our mother each year.

Although I had my father who loved me and a whole family of people who cared for me, I always felt the abandonment and rejection of my mother. I always questioned "why" she would choose to leave (yes, she deliberately chose to leave all of us) and not make any effort to see us, write us, call us or have any sort of relationship with us. My mother. The one person who should always protect, love, take care of, and fight for her child. What makes a mother decide her child is not worth her time, effort, love and sacrifice? Usually a mother's own selfishness. She wanted more freedom, she didn't want the burden of 3 children, she wanted to pursue another man, she wanted her addictions, whatever the case...her own wants and desires were more important than caring for her children.

The full reality of what my mother had done didn't sink in until I became a mother myself. When Chris and I held our son, Caleb for the first time and over the weeks and months as we grew to love him, I couldn't fathom a mother leaving her child. It was hard to leave him with a babysitter let alone walk away from him and never look back.

I had always had a very special spot and compassion in my heart for children. As a young teenager, my heart felt burdened for hurting children. I could never have known then that God was already beginning to plant a seed for what he had planned for my own family. My heart became more and more burdened with the pain and hurts of children around the world.

I felt so passionate about this...I believed so strongly that no child should have to feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy of someone's love. When our son was only 5 months old, Chris and I began foster parenting. It is now 11 years later and we are still full time foster parents. Over the years, I began to feel more convicted that God wanted us to do something more...something more permanent that foster care. Eventually God led us to adoption. When I held Alyssa in my arms for the first time on Jan 24, 2005 something incredible happened to me. I knew it was only the beginning of loving and caring for orphans and for hurting children.

That's how we ended up where we are today...with 5+ children, 2 adopted, 2 bio and several foster children.

Am I crazy? Insane? An idiot? That is absolutely insulting. Can anyone look at any one of my children and say I'm crazy to love them? I'm insane to give them the knowledge that they are cherished above all else? I'm an idiot to cradle them in my arms whispering "I love you so much" over and over? If this is what it means to be crazy, insane and an idiot - then shame on all of us for not being so!

Yes, there are times where I cry from frustration, exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Raising 5 children is tough. Getting enough time to read stories to everyone at bedtime, doing homework, cooking healthy meals that everyone will enjoy, washing & drying several loads of laundry each day, watching (and coaching) all their hockey and basketball games, being filled with pride at dance recitals, taking hours a week to practice speech therapy and then finding time to teach them life lessons, discipline, praying, being a referree admist the fighting, wiping tears and putting on bandaids, healing broken spirits and comforting grieving hearts. There is not enough time so it IS overwhelming. I do break down, I do get frustrated, I do feel out of control. And then I rant and rave and carry on to Chris.

And then you know what...I go into each of their bedroom's and I look into their sweet, sweet faces and I know that every sacrifice I have made is MORE than worth it. Those are my babies. Those are my children. Those are my most precious gifts in this worldly life. They are human beings worth every ounce of my love, my adoration, my care. They are valued and important and special and worthy of any sacrifice it may take on my part to give them all that they deserve.

I am not crazy. I am not insane. I am not an idiot. I just believe children deserve this. From being a hurt, abandoned child myself, I know they need it. And I would do it again in a second.