Off to the Adoption Conference

well, today I'm heading to Ottawa to attend the National Adoption Conference. Attending the conference sounded like such a great idea BEFORE I went to China but now that we're back and things are crazy, I'm having second thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about the Conference itself and the workshops and meeting other adoptive parents but I just don't know if the timing is right. I'm not sure Evan is ready for me to leave for 4 days. Chris is taking the time off work and he will be with the kids - I'm thrilled about that - there's no way Evan could have stayed with a babysitter! I'm not sure if Chris is ready for this either!! :-)

The last month has been extremely challenging. There is nothing negative I can say about Evan - he is an amazing boy. It's the whole situation; the adjustment, the changes and disruption to our other children, the busyness of Chris working day and night and me feeling alone and being with the all the kids 24/7. It's a lot more difficult than either Chris or I anticipated. I really wish my family lived here in PEI as I could really use the support of going to visit, have them take one or two of the kids sometimes, have meals with them, etc.... But, Chris and I talked about all this last night and we know it's going to be fine, we just have to take one day at a time. Soon, we will all get our own groove and will flow together again.

So, back to the Adoption Conference...because things have been so insane here at home, I feel guilty about taking 4 days all to myself (did I mention I am staying in a suite with a king size bed all by myself???!!!) and leaving Chris to face the insanity by himself! Now granted, Chris is much more laid back, patient and easy going than I could ever be so he will probably handle this wonderfully.

On the bright side...I do get 3 blissful nights of peace and quiet, reading, baths and take out food whenever I want. And, I get to attend a really fabulous conference with TONS of workshops on all kinds of adoption issues. So, Chris has told me to make sure I enjoy it and and not waste this opportunity worrying about him and the kids or feeling guilty that I shouldn't have gone. I'm going to try to take his advice and enjoy every moment!!!

Where to begin...

I've debating what to write for several days. There are so many different things I could focus on.

I think todayI will just focus on the update from our trip to Halifax and the IWK.

Evan was a trooper...we only had 2 major meltdowns, which considering we saw 6 specialists who all wanted something from him, not too bad. The surgeon said his lip repair was excellent so they won't need to redo that anytime soon. (I'm glad as I'm very partial to the way he looks now - I don't want it changed). Evan's hearing is also excellent - he was amazing on the hearing test.

What we do know:

Evan will be heading back in 2 months for a surgery to repair the hole in his palate and to have some work done on the soft palate (at the back of his throat).

Evan will be heading back for dental surgery as several teeth need to be pulled.

Evan will need a bone graft surgery to repair his gum and hard palate (near the front of his mouth). We're not sure when this will take place yet.

We need to go back every 6 months for now to monitor all his "needs" and to see how his surgeries are healing. So, pretty much what we were expecting. Evan also will continue with his speech therapy but both the speech therapist here in PEI and the one at the Children's Hospital said he had excellent sounds and they hear a lot of potential so we were very excited with this news!

-

At the end of all our appointments, we walked out into the hallway to see my parents. Evan took off running and jumped into Grampie's arms for a big hug. My parents live in NS so we don't get to see them as much as we would like. They were here for a few days when we came back from China but we haven't seen them since. It was fun to see how Evan reacted to seeing them.

Part 1 of the Hearing Test

Getting measured and weighed as we waited for the surgeon. He is 32 pounds.

Getting those teeth checked out...what a cool dude in those sunglasses!

Hanging out with mom while we wait

Heading back home

A much better week so far!

This week has been so much better! Not great, definitely not perfect but definitely better. It helps that 3 of the kids are going to Vacation Bible School each morning for 3 hours. Evan doesn't want to stay and who can blame him? 126 unfamiliar children and about 40 unfamiliar leaders and he doesn't understand anything that's being said. But, I can assure you having 1 child each morning, compared to the 4 of them is quite a relief! Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are all really enjoying the VBS so it works out all around. Today Chris and I headed to Halifax with Evan for his appointments at the IWK Children's Hospital. I hate to admit it, but I am so excited to be staying at the hotel and having a quiet night of eating out, swimming (and hot tub!) and reading. It's nice to be alone with Evan - this is our first time ever! A very nice surprise when we arrived at the hotel - our dad had arranged for the hotel and then he had come already come to the hotel and paid for the room! THANK YOU DAD AND LYNN! What a blessing!

So, tomorrow Evan will see 6 specialists and I can't wait to hear what they all say. I'll keep you all posted!!

THANK YOU to everyone who left comments, send me very encouraging emails and phoned! Last week was terrible - I'm sure there will many weeks that go well and then I'll hit a wall again and have low weeks. You are great supporters and encouragers!!!

Tammy

Ups and downs and all the in betweens

This has been a very trying week for me (and since they're stuck with me, probably for the kids as well). Evan continues to do so amazing but I'm finding myself irritable, tired and worn out. Although Evan continues to do well, it is still 24/7 handling the communication issues, the constant demands, the whining, the grieving, etc... Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are also trying to deal with this new addition and they are feeling left out, ignored (even though I'm trying hard not to let this happen!) and overwhelmed by all that has happened in the last 3 weeks.

We've been trying to do fun activities each day but all we end up with are arguments, complaining and a frustrated group of kids and a mom! The older boys don't want to do anything the young ones want to do and the young ones are the same. We live in beautiful PEI, surrounded by amazing beaches, yet none of my children like the beach :-(

The playgrounds are too "babyish", the skateboard park is too grown up, the pools are too deep for Alyssa and Evan, the water parks and amusement parks are too expensive, blah blah blah -you get the drift.

Anyhoo...I know in my head this is all part of adjusting and transitioning...but, it's still hard to actually live through it, I guess.

Some people kind of look at me like (and a few have even said!!), "well, you're the one who wanted to adopt another child" as if every moment of my life should now be pure bliss! Oh sure, everyone who chooses to have a biological child has never had days of frustration, exhaustion and lonliness???? Just because I'm feeling this way doesn't mean I regret for a moment our choice to adopt. I'm just a busy mother going through a major transition...I'm sure it will get better.

On a postive note, I took Evan to the speech therapist and she is extremely optimistic! She said he had lots of great sounds already and is so quick to learn. He is able to blow bubbles, blow a whistle, and is getting better at sucking through a straw. These are all big accomplishments for a cleft affected child.

Enjoy some photos...there are good times to be had even during the ups and downs!

Mom & Evan - he really is the sweeting thing!

In honor of Evan's obsession with Ultraman, his cousins did Ultraman poses for him!

Beautiful smile!

The boys, with their friends, playing a little game of "chicken" (my friend Kate's house - that's her in the background)

Can anyone guess what's going to happen???

Oops...too much momentum and out the pool they went!

Hot & Sticky

Yes, the days have been beautiful - we are all hot and sticky. By the end of the day I'm exhausted - maybe from the heat, maybe from the constant demands of 4 children, most likely both.

Evan has his first speech therapy session tomorrow and then we are off to the Children's Hospital in Nova Scotia on Wednesday. Finally, we can get his palate and lip assessed, his hearing, his dental needs and get lots of questions answered. We are anticipating surgeries to take place in September - one for his lip/soft palate (??) and for his hard palate. We'll find out for sure next week.

Evan is picking up LOTS of english. He is speaking more and more words every day. He is still very good at his "charades" (acting out what he is saying or wants) and we all love watching him - he's very creative!!!

I'm really tired tonight so I can't think of much to write but I'll add more soon!

Tammy

One Month

Today marks 4 weeks since we had our "gotcha" day with Evan. It's still hard to believe we actually have him with us. I LOVE going into his room at night and seeing him sleeping there, touching his face and finally knowing he is ours!

I have to take the time today to write about our amazing agency. The ONLY reason we are home with Evan is because of their dedication, commitment and compassion for Evan and our family. And they demonstrate this for all their families. Our agency is Family Outreach International.

Our agency spent hours working to make our adoption a success. Even through blunders (we won't say with who!), our agency tirelessly made phone calls, emails and personal visits to the right people to ensure our paperwork was completed and Evan could be ours. Before we traveled, Bob and Yulin called or emailed us over and over to reassure us and to keep us up to date on our file. While in China, Yulin spent 2 whole days with the phone glued to her ear to move things along for us.

I can't begin to explain the emotional strain we felt the day we didn't receive Evan (and all the other families did) and then the next day we sat in our hotel room all day waiting for a phone call that would tell us whether we could get Evan or not. That day, Yulin called every hour to update us on the progress. We were so relieved to finally get "the call" to pick up our son at 4:46 pm!

Without the support and caring of our agency, I can say for certain we would not be home with our Evan right now. It means the world to us that someone cared enough to tirelessly work on behalf of our son and our family. That is the spirit of adoption - never giving up on any child!

I wish the personnel who work for International Adoptions in PEI could experience even a moment of the joy and emotion of finally having your adopted child given to you. To experience the first look, the first smile, the first touch, to hear the sound of "Mommy"...

I know for certain, if this could be experienced, paperwork would be a joy to complete at the Adoption's office and therefore, no more delays, no more resistance - just a time of happiness and compassion for the children who will finally come "home".

yeah...that's my "What If..."

-

-

This is a group picture taken from this weekend - the adopting families on PEI got together for some camping. It was a great time!!! You can all tell what Evan's thinking, "Oh yeah, I'm surrounded by chicks!". Seriously, what a group of beautiful girls for him to grow up with! Hopefully there will be some more boys in the group as well!

We made the call!

Our family had an amazing time tonight at a BBQ hosted by some of our Chinese friends. I was really looking foward to it because I knew there would be children there who spoke mandarin and who were Chinese. I hoped Evan would be comfortable and would finally be able to speak freely! All our kids had a great time...we were there for 3 hours and they begged us to not to leave when it was time to go!

My friend, Ling, called Evan's foster mother while we were there and it went really well. It was a great decision to call her and she was thrilled to hear how well Evan was doing and to know he was very happy. His foster mother asked if we would send pictures and letters to her every couple of months and we are happy to do that! She said she couldn't sleep very well at night because she missed Jun Jun so much and was very worried about him. Ling told me his foster mother sounded very happy and excited to hear from us and to know Evan was safe and loved.

-

We did let Evan talk to her and HE WAS SO EXCITED! He couldn't stop smiling the whole time he talked to her. It was so sweet (even if my heart broke just a little) and I think it was good for him to hear her voice and to know she was still accessible. After he talked with her, he took off with the boys and played and he didn't really act any differently. He still talked about her at bedtime but it wasn't any different or any more emotional than usual.

-

She asked if we would take Evan back to visit her in the next year or two :-) We'll see - I'm still having nightmares about the traveling we just did!!! But really, we would love to take our whole family back to China and visit Alyssa's orphanage and visit with Evan's foster family. I would love to visit the orphanages we are supporting as well.

So, in the end, a great day with friends and a happy time with the phone call.

Sweet dreams everyone!

Lazy Days of Summer

I'm BACK!

Yes, I'm back! I mean this in so many ways...first of all, I finally feel 100% like myself again. We are fully over jetlag and feel great. I also feel like myself again after months of being in adoption limbo. I do not want to make anyone feel bad who is still waiting but I do want to say what a relief it is to be anxiety free! I can't believe how different I feel emotionally and even physically now that I don't have to worry about all the "when's", "ifs", "whys" anymore.

Evan continues to amaze us. He is an absolutely fantastic little boy. I really mean that - he is funny, happy, sweet, smart, and so much more. Chris and I really couldn't have imagined how perfect he would be for our family. Even though he is 5, he is still tiny and wants (needs!) to be hugged and cuddled. He plays amazingly well with our children and on his own. He sleeps fantastic (11 hours each night) and is beginning to eat our Canadian food (still prefers his noodles, though!). We are just so thrilled with him!

Evan is still missing his "mama" so much. He continues to cry for her at bedtime but it's not a full-out sobbing like it was in the beginning. He gets sad and touches her picture and says, "Mama, Mama". Last night he pointed to himself and said "Evan" and then touched the picture of his foster mother and said "Wa Eye Knee Mama" (I love you Mama). It was a little jab to my heart BUT I know it's okay and normal for him to be feeling this way. And in the end, it is me he comes to for comfort and love so he is bonding and attaching to me as well.

THANK YOU to everyone for your prayers, advice and support on the phone call issue. We are definitely going to call his foster mother, although I may talk to her the first time (with a translator of course). I'm just going to go with my instincts when I'm talking with her. You are a very great group of friends and encouragers!!!!

Can you believe we haven't had ONE meltdown since we came to Canada? I've even taken the kids (all of them) to Walmart, Superstore, etc... by myself and haven't had any incidents. Evan is doing so well...he has definitely caught on to the "no" and knowing we mean it when we say it. I guess patience and consistency does work -even though it is way too hard to do in the heat of the moment! :-)

I seriously cannot say enough about how wonderful Evan is doing, how our kids are doing (they adore him!!!) and how our whole family is adjusting. Thank you for your prayers!!!

I am ALWAYS willing to talk/email with people who are interested in adoption so please don't hesitate to email me!! And now I actually have some experience with Waiting Children, older children adoption and out of birth order adoption and I can honestly say "it's all good!" (The Office in case you didnt' know!)

PICTURES ARE COMING!!!

I'm still here...

I'm still here and things are going fairly well....I will post more later but I didn't want you to think I had abandoned my blog! Evan is still missing his mama every day (at nighttime) but is doing well during the day.

We went camping over the weekend so I didn't get a chance to blog. The weather is amazing here so we are trying to enjoy it as much as we can before it goes away for another 10 months! :-)

More to come....

Would you call?

First, enjoy the photos of the kids...they are just way too cute (yes, I'm biased!). Second, I need your advice...read below! THANKS!

Our 4 munchkins on Canada Day
Miss Alyssa

Evan and Alyssa had a blast in our slide pool today! The weather was hot and beautiful and it felt good to enjoy a real summer day at home with the kids! (ask me in a few weeks and it might be a different story...ha ha ha!)

The big splash

Evan's ready to give it a try

Could he be having more fun?!

The kids are having a great time together - thank goodness! Alyssa and Evan played a lot today and they were actually laughing and having fun. Alyssa has been a bit stand-offish towards Evan since we came home. The other night we were getting ready for bed and she asked me "Are we keeping Evan for good?". I know it can be a bit confusing for her because we have many foster children who come and go and we have explained to her many times that Evan was being adopted like she was but...she's only 4 and it's still confusing. I couldn't tell if she was disappointed or not when I told her, "Yes, Evan is staying with us for good!".

So, I am looking for advice/input!!! We have contact info for Evan's foster mother - I know she is missing Evan so much and I know Evan is missing her. Do you think I should let Evan talk to her on the phone? Do you think it will be too much for him to handle? Maybe she can offer him some comfort that I can't? Please let me know what you think!!

Tears and heartbreak

We are still here and doing well. Jetlag is getting easier and easier for Chris and I (Evan and Caleb didn't seem to have any at all!!). I mostly feel cranky and tired in the mornings but by afternoon I'm feeling lots better.

My parents left this morning after staying and helping for the last few days. They were so great to help with the laundry, meals, the kids and just being here. Chris also started back to work today so it's just me and my little "gang". So far, so good....

Last night Evan finally began his grieving. We were thinking is was just too wierd for him to be so happy and not show any signs of missing his old life or his "mama". After I put him to bed last night, Dylan called me to say Evan was crying. I went in his room and Evan was sobbing and pointing to the picture of him and his foster mother saying "MaMa", "MaMa". It was absolutely heartbreaking. I can't imagine what that must feel like for him - to want his mama so much but can't see her or talk to her. I just held him and rocked him for awhile and then got him out of bed and we played with Alyssa and read stories. I finally got him settled and asleep around 10:30. I know he has to go through this but it is really difficult. Luckily, we do have some contact info for his foster mother and we are going to contact her very soon. I know she must be missing her sweet Jun Jun as well!

Adoption is such a complex experience - so much joy and so much sadness, all mixed together.