Is he REAL?

My agency director called me last night...she is my only connection to our little Evan so hearing from her helps me remember this is REAL, little Evan is real and this adoption IS progressing. Some days I think about Evan and it's hard to imagine he is real and alive and waiting for us. I have a picture but really, what does it mean? It could be any child, any where in the whole world. Is it really my son?

My director told me that they had delivered our care package to Evan. Just to warn you, I'm a basketcase when it comes to this adoption, so...when she told me he had received our care package it made me very emotional. I made a large scrapbook photo album for him and I had it lamanated so he could use it like a storybook. One page for each of us (dad, mom, big brother Caleb, big brother Dylan and little sister Alyssa and one page of him) We also included some candy, a spiderman T-shirt, 2 disposable cameras, coloring book and markers and a few other small items.

I try to imagine what he would feel or think when he opened the book and saw his new "family". Would he hate it and throw the book, would he look at the photos and dream of his new life, would we just be pictures and not something he could comprehend as a family? How do we look to him? It's such a different experience when our child is older and not a baby...

What would his foster mother feel? Is she devastated? Relieved? Happy for him but sad?

We may never know...although I do hope we get to meet with his foster parents when we are in China.

Sometimes...I just feel like he isn't real, it's just a dream with no end in sight.