His Promise....

Today is a new day, a fresh outlook, a chance for new hopes or maybe just a renewal of the "old" hopes.

I'd like to share a little something with you...Chris and I have been foster parents for about 11 years. We have shared our family and opened our home to several children. Each and every child who has come into our home has touched our family in a very positive way. Of course, every child has their own story and each story has a different ending. We have had an amazing little one with us for awhile and our whole family has really grown to love her and appreicate what a unique, special child she is. Yesterday, her story with our family ended. Or so we thought. That's what I'd like to share with you...

We found out yesterday afternoon that the little one would be returned to her mom and that they would be leaving the Island (PEI). I was really heartbroken when I heard the news. I was also told that the family would be leaving very quickly and I wouldn't get a chance to visit the little one before she left. We had prepared a package for her - some toys, coloring things, stickers, hair clips and a picture album of the time she was with us. Our social worker said we could drop the package off to him and he would make sure it got to the little one.

About 1 hour after we heard the news we received a phone call...from the little one! She wanted to talk to each of the children (by the way...she LOVES to chatter!) and I was thrilled at the chance to be able to speak to her one last time. I told the little one that we had a package for her and we would get her Social worker to bring it to her. She started to get anxious and said that she was leaving tomorrow and wouldn't be back. I kept asking her if she was sure she was leaving that soon. The little one talked to her mom and then asked me if we could go over and visit them before they left. Her mom doesn't speak very good English as she's from another country but I did understand that "yes, her mom was saying it was okay for us to visit the little one". So, I told her I would come and see her!!! The little one called back to ask if EVERYONE could come and visit her...again, I talked with her mom as best I could and explained that we had many children and was she sure she wanted me to bring everyone??? So, it was agreed that our whole family would go and visit.

I wasn't sure what to expect as we had never met the mom in person. I had talked with her on the phone a few times but had never met. We arrived at the apartment and were met with such friendliness and hospitality. It was amazing! We could have been seen as the "enemy" as can be the case in fostering, but instead we were welcomed with open arms and invited in to share with this family before they left. We stayed about 1 1/2 hours and I was able to speak with the mom for a bit. She comes from a country that is war torn and desperate. As I listened to the mom tell me a bit of her story, I was overcome with all she had suffered and lost in her life (she is younger than I am). I wonder if I would even be able to function if I had suffered all she had. She cried with me as she talked about how happy she was when the judge said she could finally be reunited with her daughter.

The little one played with all our kids and was excited and happy to be with her "friends" again. Her mom kept telling me "she is so happy with them". Yes, the little one fit in very well with our crazy crew and loved being part of a large, energetic family!

As we were getting ready to leave, the little one and her mom invited us to go to the airport and see them off. I told them I would do my very best to be there but as I was working, I wasn't sure if I could get the time off.

We went home and I have to admit, my (our) spirits were lifted a great deal! Being able to hear the mom's story and to see her joy at being with her daughter, eased a lot of my anxiety.

This morning I arrived at work and do you know what they said??? "We don't need you to come in until 12:30 so feel free to do whatever you want until then!" For real!!! Well, you know what I did - I hightailed it to the airport and saw the little one and her mom!

Again, I was blessed to be part of a tiny group of people to be there with them and to hug the little one again. We talked and laughed and hugged and shared stories. I had given her mom our phone number and address so that the little one (or the mom) could call me anytime if they needed anything at all! (I think I can now understand what it was like for Evan's foster mother to give him up after loving him for so long!)

I guess what I'm trying to say is...God did NOT close the door on this little one and our family...he left it open a bit - enough for us to stick our foot in and open it whenever we want. No, it didn't happen the way I had hoped it would but perhaps what I was praying for was selfish. I wanted the little one to stay with us. Maybe she needs her mother more than she needs a large, energetic family. God gave me the chance to meet her mom, form the beginning of a relationship with her and provide all our contact info for our future relationship. And I truly believe the door will stay open just a bit. Just enough that we can always enter through it, or the little one can come through if she needs too.

A few other interesting tidbits in this story...

While the little one lived with us, her mom called me a few times asking me to pray for her (the mom), she would call during very scary times for herself and during periods of very real grief and anxiety. A woman I had never met before but could sense that I loved her child and hoped I could help her in some way as well. I always prayed for her and helped her however I could when she called.

If you read my last few posts, you know a loved one is very sick in Toronto. My husband and I have been trying to find a way to visit her, to find when the time is right to go (more about this another post) and so on. Last night we found out the little one will be moving to Toronto and her mom has invited us to visit them there. Here are 2 very traumatic events happening to me at the same time, yet there is still that small opening in the door...

God never promised a life without pain,
Laughter without tears
Or sun without rain.
But He did promise strength for the day,
Comfort for the tears
And light for the way,
And for all who believe in His Heaven above
He rewards their faith in His everlasting love.

God did give me strength for the day, comfort for my tears and a light for my way.

Readers...would you do something for me? I'm sure you can offer much more objective views that I can for myself :-) I want you to watch the movie "Gone Baby Gone" and tell me if you think he made the right decision at the end. You will know exactly what I mean when you watch it.

It's starting...

Crash #1 happened today...can't post more than that right now....it is very sad for all involved.

Kathryn Scott - I Belong

Not hardship, nor hunger, no pain or depth of sorrow
Not weakness, nor failure, no broken dream or promise
Nothing can take me from Your great love
Forever this truth remains

I belong, I belong to You
I belong, I belong to You
Forever and forever I belong
Forever

Today is an important day...please pray...

I am still waiting on news of a loved one...she is in the Cardiovascular ICU in Toronto...prayer is needed....

Heavy Heart

I am so sorry for the long, silent delay in posts. There have been some "things" going on in my personal life that have really burdened my heart the last 2 weeks. It has been a difficult, sad time of reliving old hurts, questioning what I'm feeling, unsure of what to do and simply trying to pray for God to reveal Himself in my life.

Another post I may share a bit of what is going on but for today I can only say that I am waiting, waiting and waiting for information that will be life changing. Life changing for me personally, for our family but also for specific individuals also involved. I am waiting for information that can potentially be amazing! Information that could make my heart fill with happiness, joy and love. Unfortunately, it is very unlikely that is the news I will hear. So, if it's not the news I am hoping to hear I am afraid my world will come crashing down around me. I know that sounds dramatic...trust me, I've been living the drama for days now.

I have been struggling with a heavy heart...I know the Bible says to pray and I have honestly been praying, searching and seeking God's voice yet I am afraid that even though God hears our (my) prayers, things still do not always work out the way we want or hope for. My biggest fear is "what if His will is not my will?" Even though what I am hoping for is for GOOD to come out of these situations. One situation is a life and death situation with a loved one. Another situation is a serious situation with a child I love very much - a decision is to be made about who she will live with, with the possiblity that I may never see her again.

When a loved one dies, how do we accept it as God's will? Especially when the loved one is not a Christian? Or, if a decision is made about this child and she lives a life of unhappiness, neglect & rejection, how can I believe God heard my prayers? This is what I've been struggling with...even though I want what is best for these people, the best may not happen for them. All around the world there is pain and suffering - God allows it to happen...what if he allows it to happen in my circumstances?

It has been a battle within myself for the past 2 weeks. I have cried many tears, searched for answers and questioned God many times. The following quote sums up what I'm struggling with:

"He is mighty to save, but He didn't save. He delights in giving us the desires of our hearts, my heart is broken. He is our refuge and strength, yet I feel vulnerable and weak. He is peace, but fear and insecurities abound. So confusing. So unsettling. And I find myself wondering if God even knows."

I believe God wants me to remember my (our) HOPE is not in this physical world but in Him and His eternal life. I have to believe that even in this hopeless world, there is HOPE in Him.

"We follow One who is not limited or defeated by the world's sufferings. Hope does not mean that we will avoid or be able to ignore suffering, of course. The surprise we experience in hope, then, is not that, unexpectedly, things turn out better than expected. For even when they do not, we can still live with a keen hope. The basis of our hope has to do with the One who is stronger than life and suffering. Faith opens us up to God's sustaining, healing presence."

I am trying to remember that if my life does come crashing down around me this week (or any week) that I still have hope, all is not lost and God has not forgotten nor failed me.

A beautiful thing...

On Wednesday, my friend, Peggy hosted an amazing shower for Evan. My closest friends were there and many brought their children as we celebrated Evan's arrival to Canada and into his new family (and big circle of friends!). It was a fun night...I can't even explain in words how excited Evan was to have a "party" that was just for him and he couldn't believe all the gifts were just for him. He kept asking "for me? for me?" It was so fun to watch him open his presents and to see the absolute joy on his face as he saw each one!

Here is an excerpt from the thank you we sent everyone - it tells a little of his excitement and happiness - even into the next day!

I can assure each and every one of you that Evan absolutely cherishes EACH gift like it is his favorite. It took me awhile to settle him down for bed last night as he wanted to touch everything, open everything, play with everything. Of course, there was NO way I could get him to bed without brushing his teeth with his new Cars toothbrush and toothpaste (which he wasn’t ready to share with Alyssa yet) and then of course, being wrapped up in his new, cozy Spiderman blanket. Honestly, he was in heaven!

He woke me up at 7:00, bleary eyed, wanting me to put together that snake race track (thanks Peggy! Ha ha). So, off we went with Dylan and Alyssa (Caleb was still fast asleep – lucky him!) to put together the race track. Last night I set all his gifts out on the kitchen table so as I was trying to figure out the race track, Evan kept running into the kitchen exclaiming over his new things (with the same excitement he demonstrated last night!). Dylan, Alyssa and I were getting a big kick out of him! We did finally get the race track together and it’s very cool! As soon as that was completed, Evan wanted to watch his new Spiderman movie so he grabbed his new Spiderman Chair, snuggled in with his new Spiderman blanket, holding onto the Spiderman movie case and sat back for some movie time. He is hilarious! He was even generous enough to allow Alyssa into the living room to watch it with him!

He has touched, oohhed and aahhed, played with and sampled every single gift he received last night. He is beyond excited to have his own toys. This is the exciting, fun part of adopting a child who is a bit older – experiencing those “firsts” with them and being part of the pure joy they feel!!!

So, a very heartfelt THANK YOU to you Peggy, and to all my friends who came and welcomed Evan in this way!!!!!

Flood waters

I'm late getting this post up but I wanted to show pictures of the flood we had in our subdivison during the "hurricane"/storm we had. It did rain tons and as we drove around our subdivision we realized all the ditches were overflowing with muddy water. We didn't think too much of it so we waited hours before we went around again - and when we did - we realized one of the roads was flooded and all our community kids were swimming in it! Yes, we let our kids swim in it too because, really, it was so neat and it will probably never happen again.

Dad and Mom - don't panic! - we made them shower and scrub very well when they came home...I'm thinking sewer, dog poop, cat pee, mosquitos, birds, germs, germs, germs...no one got sick so it's all good!

Here are some pics...

BEFORE THE FLOOD

DURING THE FLOOD

We had walked down this street just 1/2 hour before I took this picture and the water was completely covering this road and was up mid calf. It didn't take long for it all to disappear once the highway crew opened up a big hole under the highway to let the water through.

Dylan and his friend Canaan taking a dip


There were so many kids swimming...it was quite funny. Kids were riding their bikes through the water, doing flips in it and just being crazy.

Another area BEFORE THE FLOOD

This is known as "The Creek" and the kids go down to this bridge on their bikes or for walks. There is a small stream way below the bridge.

This is the same spot...the kids couldn't even get down the pathway the water was so deep - we couldn't find or get to the bridge at all! It was amazing!

Vacation and First Days of School

Chris and I took the kids camping for a week here in PEI. It was nice to get a break but WOW a lot of work! Thanks to Dean and Stacy (Chris' brother) for letting us use their trailer - it was a great spot! We were able to visist Avonlea Village which our kids love! This is their favorite place to go in the summer. It is a little village that is set up to look like a town from Anne of Green Gables. There are actors who act our scenes from the book and lots of fun activities for the kids to see and do. There is a house where people can dress up and take their own pictures...our kids got a great kick out of that. As you can see, we have 2 "Annes" and 2 "Gilberts".

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The kids enjoyed the camping...the weather wasn't too bad, we had a few nice days and a few rainy ones. I think I was just anxious to get back home and get everything ready for "back to school" - seriously, I know it's terrible but I was counting down the days, hours and minutes. Let me just say it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG summer!

Our very own Annes and Gilberts

BACK TO SCHOOL - YAY!

Caleb - grade 7 (Oh, I so want to cut his hair!!! He wants to have long hair for Jr. High!!)

Dylan - Grade 5

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Evan and Alyssa - Kindergarten

Alyssa Li

Evan Jun

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There is so much I want to write, so much on my heart. I just don't feel like I could even share it in a way that makes sense, that's how much is going on in my heart and mind. This adoption has made me feel things I didn't expect (both good and bad) and it has once again filled my heart with an even deeper passion, compassion and hurt for the rest of the children still living and breathing each day, broken and without someone to love them.

I honestly prayed for peace after this adoption - peace from this burden of knowing the hurts and pain of so many children around the world. I believe God is pushing me towards more and not necessarily more adoptions. In fact, I don't think more adoptions for our family will happen and I'm actually okay with that (hard to believe, I know!) but I feel a sense of urgency that God is pushing me (us/our family???) to something else...something that makes me think "but that's impossible" yet that's exactly how God shows himself - through the impossible!

Anyway...like I said, too much going on inside for me to even express it so I'll save it for later. But, in the meantime, I came across this song and so here it is ...to honor the loss our beautiful, precious, adopted children suffer, the loss their birth parents suffer but also to honor the amazing gift they are to us - their moms and dads.

Everything To Me

Mark Shultz

I must have felt your tears

When they took me from your arms
I’m sure I must have heard you say goodbye
Lonely and afraid you had made a big mistake
Could an ocean even hold the tears you cried?

But you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
And you made the only choice you could that night

You gave life to me
A brand new world to see
Like playing baseball in the yard with dad at night
Mom reading Goodnight Moon
And praying in my room
So if you worry if your choice was right
You gave me up...
but you gave everything to me

And if I saw you on the street
Would you know that it was me
And would your eyes be blue or brown like mine
Would we share a warm embrace
Would you know me in your heart
Or would you smile and let me walk on by
Knowing you had dreams for me
You wanted the best for me
Oh...I hope that you’d be proud of who I am

You gave life to me
A chance to find my dreams
And a chance to fall in love
You should have seen her shining face
On our wedding day
Oh is this the dream you had in mind
When you gave me up
You gave everything to me

And when I see you there
Watching from heaven’s gates
Into your arms I’m gonna run
And when you look into my eyes
You can see my whole life
See who I was
And who I’ve become

You gave everthing to me