It's not pretty....

I need to write this post...it's been on my heart for a very long time. Mostly, I want to write it because I know this blog will be saved and will be part of "me" when I am no longer here. It will be something my children and maybe even my grandchildren will read as it's my way of "journaling".

This post is sort of "part 2" of the post I wrote called "Crazy? Insane? Idiot?". I know most people will shy away from reading the whole blog post and will turn away from its truth. It's not pretty...it's much easier to live without knowing than to know and have to do something about it.

the question is WHY? So many people have asked me "why"? Why do I care so much about adoption? Why would I keep adopting? Why do I always talk about it? Why am I so burdened by hurt and lonely children? Why would I want to keep adding children to my already "full house"? Why, why, why?

Tonight I was discussing a very serious matter with my husband about a potential adoption (for us! more on this at another time) and he said to me "But even if this adoption works out you will still think about it all the time, you won't stop!" He's absolutely right! And I refuse to apologize anymore for having lonely, hurt and broken children on my heart, all the time! I pray God never allows me to become so comfortable in this selfish world that I would forget the hurting children.

Jesus says in Matthew 25:35,36, 40, "For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, for I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least one of these, you did for me"

I see my own children in all the children. I think about each child as if they were my own - how would I feel if it were my child who was cold? hungry? alone? crying? unloved? unwanted? afraid? Truly, a day does not go by that I don't weep for these children, wishing I could do more, wishing I could be more for them. I cannot live my life pretending these children don't exsist. I can't live frivilously knowing children are sick, hungry and alone. I will not! It's hard to do in this society...we are so full of ourselves and what we think we "deserve". We are constantly putting oursleves first and focusing on our greediness. I want to be different than that. I want to put those children first...i have everything (and SO MUCH more) I need...I don't want to live a selfish life caring only about myself...I want to love with the love that Jesus has filled me with.

What God has given me is not only a heart for the orphans but a voice! I was voted "most outspoken" in high school and I think most people who know me would still agree with that! I have a voice and I'm not afraid to use it! I tell anyone and everyone about children, about orphans, how they can help, what they can do, how they can adopt...I can use my voice to advocate for the most vulnerable, I can use my voice to fight for children who have no one.

I was reading a blog the other day (a really incredible young lady who loves like Jesus) and I loved what she had written...Do you love your neighbor as much as you love yourself? Do you love your 147 million orphaned neighbours and the 3.5 million homeless (in America alone) as much as you love yourself? Do you grieve for them the same way you would if it were your own children who were hungry and homeless? What would be different if you did? If this day is all you're promised, what are you doing with it? Right now, today, are you doing what you want to be doing when Christ comes back?"

God wants us to love others...he wants us to love the orphans...he wants us to love the poor...he wants us to be so much more than just living every day for ourselves....

"...I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We don't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small but you are living them in a small way. I am speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively." 2 Corinthians 6:11-13

Luke 3:11 - "John replied, 'If you have 2 shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry'."

I've been hearing a lot at church lately that all God wants from us is just a relationship with Him. He doesn't "expect" anything from us, we don't need to "do" anything for Him and yet, I read over and over again in scripture that God does want us to "do" something. Not to earn His love or to earn our place in Heaven but because it's what His pure love is. Loving others. Over and over again, scripture tells us to love the orphans, the poor, the lonely, to love the least of these people is to love Jesus. If we have a relationship with Christ then we will be OVERFLOWING with His love and His compassion and we won't be able to sit and do nothing!!! The love will flow out of us and we will want to share it. And not just sharing it with the Christians we are comfortable with but with "the least of these" - seeking those who need God's love!

James 1:27 tell us, "Religion that God our Father considers pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

A few more places where God tells us to have mercy, be kind, love others...

Matthew 5:7
Matthew 25:34-36
Luke 14:12-14
1 Thessalonians 5:14-15
Romans 12:13-16
Colossians 3:12-14
Matthew 19:21
Mark 10:19-21
Luke 18:22

It's not pretty, but it's true. There are children who need us, people who need us...we cannot live as if they don't exist. We cannot forget them. We have to do something. We must love with Jesus' love.

Thoughts on Dominican

Finally! A chance to update on Dominican and add some photos. What a beautiful week we had - hot and sunny everyday (as you can tell from my sunburned legs - hee hee)

We traveled with 2 other couples - the whole gang, relaxing for supper!

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So, before Chris and I decided to book the trip, we agreed that if we went south we would take the opportunity to visit local villages, families, children and schools. We wanted to see first hand how we could help once we came back to Canada. I truly believe we can use EVERY opportunity to reach out to others.

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Before we traveled, I had made contacts with a couple of organizations and individuals who work specifically with children in the Punta Cana area. I was able to connect with a man, originially from Toronto, who is living and working in Dominican. He calls himself "Punta Cana Mike". He has been instrumental in building a school for chidlren to attend for free. In Dominican, children have to pay a monthly fee to attend school and they also need to purchase a uniform. MANY cannot afford this so they miss out on school. So, a school was created from an old concrete building specifically to educate the children who could not afford public school. The teachers are all VOLUNTEERS and the school has grown from 35 students to over 150 in the past year!

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Chris and I (along with the other 2 couples we traveled with) took suitcases filled with supplies for the school. It was such a treat to be able to give these items to the children for their school. Chris and I met up with "Punta Cana Mike" and spent the morning with him, visiting the school, the local community, the families and the children who attend the school.

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After visiting the school, and hearing about their needs, their hopes and their desires to expand the school, Chris and I decided we would use our family charity (Two Homes One Heart) to build the community an outdoor playground. The playground will be built on the school property but I say "community playground" because it will truly be something everyone will enjoy. As we walked the streets of the small community, we quickly saw there was nothing to really entertain the children...no play things of any kind - toys, books, games, etc...The families lived in very small homes (about the size of our outdoor sheds)or they lived in rusted out buses. They don't have any of the luxuries we are used to like cooking stoves, fridges, washer/dryers, grocery stores, etc...They cooked their meals over open flame (when there was meat to cook) and mostly live on vegies and rice. We also found out the average INCOME per family is $50/month! And you know what else we noticed? The price of food and clothing is not much cheaper than what we pay in Canada! Can you imagine trying to feed and clothe your family on $50/ month??!! and then paying for them to go to school? PEOPLE!!!! We are so completely SPOILED ROTTEN!

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Chris and I, along with Punta Cana Mike thought an outdoor playground would be a lot of fun for the children. It would give them a comman place to hang out together, interact with their families, have a place for activity during school breaks, etc...

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our goal is to raise about $4000 to build them a full playground with slides, swings and some smaller items for the toddler/preschool classes. For an example of what we are talking about, click HERE to see the one we build at our daughter's orphanage in China.

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If anyone is traveling to Punta Cana and would like to meet up with "Punta Cana Mike" or another contact we've made, please email me and I''ll give you all the info. I also have contacts for Puerta Plata area!

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Scoping out the school, checking out the area...

The site of the new playground

One of the classrooms. There are 4 and none have electricity. They split the day into 2 so that all the kids can attend. Half go in the morning and the other half go in the afternoon.

This is what's on both sides of the school. They would like to purchase this lot here and expand the school. The price for this lot is $20,000!

In the background you'll see part of the community...the homes....

Here is the sweetest little boy who stole my heart (but then, they all do!)

This was a little store...this "store" supports a whole family. Another little friend we made on our visit. His brother is the one taking the picture. He LOVED our digital camera.

Several families lived in these buses.

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Chris and I went on a 4 wheeler excursion and were able to visit many children and their families. We took about 50 toothbrushes/tooth paste sets and about 150 granola bars with us. We tied the bag of "goodies" to our handlebars and off we went. We passed out every single one and I wished I had brought more! Everyone (parents, adults, teenagers, our guides!) was asking for the toothbrushes and tooth paste. I didn't realize they would be such a hit. Next time, we will take tons more!!!

Hanging with some very sweet kids - all of them got extra granola bars for their cuteness and they also got new toothbrushes and toothpaste! You'll see a little girl in the background by the fence...don't worry, she was not forgotten. She received treats as well!

Chris was captivated by this sweet little girl. She was shy but she had the most amazing blue eyes! She loved her treats from Chris!

Guess Where We're Heading???

Chris and I are extremely spoiled this year! We just got back from Dominican on March 2nd and we are going again!!! The whole time we were down there we kept saying "The kids would LOVE it here!" SO we have planned a week's vacation with ALL the kids in Cancun, Mexico!!!!!

We will be staying at the Gran Caribe and we are so excited!!! It is a very family friendly resort and has a kids water park that our young ones will really enjoy!

Our life has been crazy, crazy, crazy busy since we adopted Evan. With everything that's been going on (surgeries, me starting a new job, working on adoption promotion in PEI, kids starting new schools, sports, etc....) there hasn't been time for us to simply "play" as a family, enjoy each other and just "be" together. Everything has been a whirlwind without much time for rest or down time.

So, Chris and I decided we should take this chance to go down south and enjoy a full week of relaxation. We're hoping it's going to be a fabulous time with the kids and a chance for us to just hang out together.

WOW!!! I can't believe we are going back down south!!!!

WINNING!

Well...we made it back from vacation - it was such a drag to come back to ice, snow and cold! The weather in Dominican was beautiful! There's lots I want to write about our trip - mostly our visits to the village and the local school - but I'm going to use this post to finally update my family on Caleb and Dylan's sport's PROVINCIALS. (lots of bragging in this post so beware! I'm a proud mother!)

Dylan's team had AA Hockey Provincials this weekend and it was awesome!! Their team came #1 and what an exciting final game. The score was 2 -2 with only 1 minute to go. We were cheering like crazy and with ONLY 1.1 SECOND left in the game, Dylan's team scored! The crowd went absolutely crazy!!!!

Dylan scored 4 goals this weekend and was name "Player of the Game" during one of the games.

I told you I was a proud mother!

The #1 Atom AA team on PEI! WooHoo!

Dylan in action (he has the pink and green laces - it's so much easier to keep track of him on the ice!)

Go, Dylan, Go!

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I coached Caleb's basketball team this year - it was a community team for grade 5 & 6 boys. Because I was coaching, Dylan came along to the practices and played some of our games with us. He's never played b'ball before but he picked it up really well! He even got to play in the Provincial championship game as 2 of my players were injured during the game!
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Caleb loves basketball and had a fantastic year!!! He did so well during the Provincials and I believe he was top scorer in both games. In the end, our team WON provincials! It was absolutely EXCITING!!!! Our team only won by 1 basket so it was a nail biter and more thrilling than the NBA! ha ha (well, to us it was!)

We're #1!!

(Caleb's in the front right and Dylan is just behind him in the red / blue)

Last minute "pep talk" with the boys...only a couple of minutes to go and only up by 2 points - tension was high!

Caleb demonstrating some of his dribbling moves...

More action shots...

Here's little Dylan playing in the final game...I don't know why I say "little Dylan" except that he was so darn cute playing (since he hadn't played before) and he was so quick and so fun to watch.

Caleb on defense (#37)

So, since returning from our vaction, things have been crazy. I've wanted to update the blog so many times but just didn't have the time. Lots of things going on "behind the scenes" right now with adoption but I can't share much at this point. I am SO HOPING I can share in the next few weeks so prayer is always appreciated!!!

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More to come on our visit to the schools and children in Dominican - lots of photos....

soon!

We are away on vacation right now but will be updating soon! Thanks Nikki for putting up the new header...it looks great!

Have a great week everyone!

The MacKinnon's

Check out the links!

Hi everyone!
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I have been wanting to write "part 2" of my recent blog post but haven't had the chance to sit and really think about what I wanted to write. I am really trying to hear God's voice these days and wanting to know how I can share his love more deeply with others.
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I am so touched by the truly beautiful words written by all the commenters about my last post. Some brought tears to my eyes and every single one spoke to my heart.
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I have added several links to the right side of the blog. I hope you can take the time to click on each one and see the amazing things God is doing every single day with ordinary people like you and me. They are "ordinary" but they are sharing God's love so extravagantly! This is my prayer...to love others extravagantly the way Jesus loves me...every single day.
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More to come....
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Can I just leave you with a beautiful photo of my son, Evan who just turned 6 yesterday !!!(b'day pictures will come soon)...he is such a little wonder in our house. How have I been blessed with such a child? Why do I deserve to care for him and share the joy he brings every single day???? God is definitely too good!


If you have not considered adoption, or more specifically the waiting child program or older child adoption, you need to call me! We so need to talk! :-)

Crazy? Insane? Idiot?

Clarification: Thank you to the commenters...I love them...keep them coming. Thank you Heidi for your comment as well...yes, I absolutely agree that some birth mothers give their children up out of love...I am speaking only of the situation with my birth mother...trust me, I will never indicate to my own adopted children that they were abandoned out of selfish greed :-) (I don't believe they were abandoned for those reasons at all). I am also writing this post from the perspective of why I continue to adopt, want to foster, want to bring more children into my home when I already "have enough". I will write more about this in a post that's coming soon.

This post has been a long time coming...I have endured "criticism" in the form of jokes, I've had people outright ask me if we are crazy? Insane? I've been called an "idiot" and people just generally make their own judgements about my motives, our family and why we adopt (and foster).


To put in bluntly...I'm really tired of it. The comments I have listened to come from personal friends as well as acquaintances & strangers in our community. Beware...I will try to make this post as honest as possible without being too crabby...no guarantees though :-)

The main reason I want to write this post is to have my own feelings and words written down for Alyssa, Evan, Caleb, Dylan and any other future children who may find their way to our family. It is important for them to know that NO MATTER what others may think about our family, each one of them is worth the effort, love, time and sacrifice involved in having them be part of our family. Without question!

When I was 2 years old I was abandoned by my mother. I grew up with my father and later, his new wife who I now consider to be my "mother". I grew up loved, cherished, encouraged, and wanted. I would say I had a happy childhood with lots of opportunity to try new activities, play sports, be with friends, go on vacations with my family, enjoy relationships with lots of cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...A very "normal" childhood.

I was allowed to see my birth mother every summer. When I was 3 years old, a judge took away all parental rights from my mother and said there would be no visitations allowed. My selfless, loving father had the foresight to know how important a relationship with our birth mother would be and made arrangements that allowed us to visit our mother each year.

Although I had my father who loved me and a whole family of people who cared for me, I always felt the abandonment and rejection of my mother. I always questioned "why" she would choose to leave (yes, she deliberately chose to leave all of us) and not make any effort to see us, write us, call us or have any sort of relationship with us. My mother. The one person who should always protect, love, take care of, and fight for her child. What makes a mother decide her child is not worth her time, effort, love and sacrifice? Usually a mother's own selfishness. She wanted more freedom, she didn't want the burden of 3 children, she wanted to pursue another man, she wanted her addictions, whatever the case...her own wants and desires were more important than caring for her children.

The full reality of what my mother had done didn't sink in until I became a mother myself. When Chris and I held our son, Caleb for the first time and over the weeks and months as we grew to love him, I couldn't fathom a mother leaving her child. It was hard to leave him with a babysitter let alone walk away from him and never look back.

I had always had a very special spot and compassion in my heart for children. As a young teenager, my heart felt burdened for hurting children. I could never have known then that God was already beginning to plant a seed for what he had planned for my own family. My heart became more and more burdened with the pain and hurts of children around the world.

I felt so passionate about this...I believed so strongly that no child should have to feel unloved, unwanted, unworthy of someone's love. When our son was only 5 months old, Chris and I began foster parenting. It is now 11 years later and we are still full time foster parents. Over the years, I began to feel more convicted that God wanted us to do something more...something more permanent that foster care. Eventually God led us to adoption. When I held Alyssa in my arms for the first time on Jan 24, 2005 something incredible happened to me. I knew it was only the beginning of loving and caring for orphans and for hurting children.

That's how we ended up where we are today...with 5+ children, 2 adopted, 2 bio and several foster children.

Am I crazy? Insane? An idiot? That is absolutely insulting. Can anyone look at any one of my children and say I'm crazy to love them? I'm insane to give them the knowledge that they are cherished above all else? I'm an idiot to cradle them in my arms whispering "I love you so much" over and over? If this is what it means to be crazy, insane and an idiot - then shame on all of us for not being so!

Yes, there are times where I cry from frustration, exhaustion and being overwhelmed. Raising 5 children is tough. Getting enough time to read stories to everyone at bedtime, doing homework, cooking healthy meals that everyone will enjoy, washing & drying several loads of laundry each day, watching (and coaching) all their hockey and basketball games, being filled with pride at dance recitals, taking hours a week to practice speech therapy and then finding time to teach them life lessons, discipline, praying, being a referree admist the fighting, wiping tears and putting on bandaids, healing broken spirits and comforting grieving hearts. There is not enough time so it IS overwhelming. I do break down, I do get frustrated, I do feel out of control. And then I rant and rave and carry on to Chris.

And then you know what...I go into each of their bedroom's and I look into their sweet, sweet faces and I know that every sacrifice I have made is MORE than worth it. Those are my babies. Those are my children. Those are my most precious gifts in this worldly life. They are human beings worth every ounce of my love, my adoration, my care. They are valued and important and special and worthy of any sacrifice it may take on my part to give them all that they deserve.

I am not crazy. I am not insane. I am not an idiot. I just believe children deserve this. From being a hurt, abandoned child myself, I know they need it. And I would do it again in a second.