Who needs words....

when the pictures speak for themselves! (Things are going great this week!)

Back home...back to reality!

So, I'm home! I got home last night about 12:45 am. It felt so good to be in a familiar town. It was exciting to see the kids again and Chris, of course. He is exhausted and glad to see me as well :-) I have to say, he did really well. It's not easy having the 4 kids all day and night for 4 days!!! The laundry was also completely done, the house was extremely neat and the kids were bathed/showered...so all in all....a great job for a man! ha ha ha ha (but, really!)

The Conference was amazing! I was able to go to many fantastic workshops and I spent 3 hours at a training workshop on handling racism in transracial families. It was a real eye opener for me. I thought I knew a lot about adoption but I really, really needed to hear what I did. I feel like I should gather every adoptive parent and read them all my notes so they can hear it too! So often, we belive love is enough but it so isn't. It's definitely important and essential but it will not be enough.

So, now I'm in the midst of planning a Maritime Adoption Conference. I have asked a couple of great speakers to come for 2 days and we will have some agency personnel as well. Of course, we'll keep you posted on that!

I have lots of pictures of the kids but haven't had a chance to load them on the computer. I'll post some in the next day or so. Evan continues to do very well and I feel very refreshed and energized after my time away so I'm hoping this next month will be WAY better than the last month! I also had some great talks with my agency directors (Bob and Yulin) and they were very helpful with advice and very supportive. They live in Ottawa and they were fabulous while I was in Ottawa...Yulin took me on a tour of Ottawa, they bought me supper (and lunch) and then had me over to their house for supper where I was able to meet their daughter (adopted from China), Yulin's mom, her nephew and Mike (who also works for FOI). They really took care of me which I needed because I was really nervous being all alone! I'm a bit of a wuss!

So, stay tuned about the adoption conference in PEI becasue it's going to be amazing - plus we will get to socialize and hang out - what a blast!

Off to the Adoption Conference

well, today I'm heading to Ottawa to attend the National Adoption Conference. Attending the conference sounded like such a great idea BEFORE I went to China but now that we're back and things are crazy, I'm having second thoughts.

Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited about the Conference itself and the workshops and meeting other adoptive parents but I just don't know if the timing is right. I'm not sure Evan is ready for me to leave for 4 days. Chris is taking the time off work and he will be with the kids - I'm thrilled about that - there's no way Evan could have stayed with a babysitter! I'm not sure if Chris is ready for this either!! :-)

The last month has been extremely challenging. There is nothing negative I can say about Evan - he is an amazing boy. It's the whole situation; the adjustment, the changes and disruption to our other children, the busyness of Chris working day and night and me feeling alone and being with the all the kids 24/7. It's a lot more difficult than either Chris or I anticipated. I really wish my family lived here in PEI as I could really use the support of going to visit, have them take one or two of the kids sometimes, have meals with them, etc.... But, Chris and I talked about all this last night and we know it's going to be fine, we just have to take one day at a time. Soon, we will all get our own groove and will flow together again.

So, back to the Adoption Conference...because things have been so insane here at home, I feel guilty about taking 4 days all to myself (did I mention I am staying in a suite with a king size bed all by myself???!!!) and leaving Chris to face the insanity by himself! Now granted, Chris is much more laid back, patient and easy going than I could ever be so he will probably handle this wonderfully.

On the bright side...I do get 3 blissful nights of peace and quiet, reading, baths and take out food whenever I want. And, I get to attend a really fabulous conference with TONS of workshops on all kinds of adoption issues. So, Chris has told me to make sure I enjoy it and and not waste this opportunity worrying about him and the kids or feeling guilty that I shouldn't have gone. I'm going to try to take his advice and enjoy every moment!!!

Where to begin...

I've debating what to write for several days. There are so many different things I could focus on.

I think todayI will just focus on the update from our trip to Halifax and the IWK.

Evan was a trooper...we only had 2 major meltdowns, which considering we saw 6 specialists who all wanted something from him, not too bad. The surgeon said his lip repair was excellent so they won't need to redo that anytime soon. (I'm glad as I'm very partial to the way he looks now - I don't want it changed). Evan's hearing is also excellent - he was amazing on the hearing test.

What we do know:

Evan will be heading back in 2 months for a surgery to repair the hole in his palate and to have some work done on the soft palate (at the back of his throat).

Evan will be heading back for dental surgery as several teeth need to be pulled.

Evan will need a bone graft surgery to repair his gum and hard palate (near the front of his mouth). We're not sure when this will take place yet.

We need to go back every 6 months for now to monitor all his "needs" and to see how his surgeries are healing. So, pretty much what we were expecting. Evan also will continue with his speech therapy but both the speech therapist here in PEI and the one at the Children's Hospital said he had excellent sounds and they hear a lot of potential so we were very excited with this news!

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At the end of all our appointments, we walked out into the hallway to see my parents. Evan took off running and jumped into Grampie's arms for a big hug. My parents live in NS so we don't get to see them as much as we would like. They were here for a few days when we came back from China but we haven't seen them since. It was fun to see how Evan reacted to seeing them.

Part 1 of the Hearing Test

Getting measured and weighed as we waited for the surgeon. He is 32 pounds.

Getting those teeth checked out...what a cool dude in those sunglasses!

Hanging out with mom while we wait

Heading back home

A much better week so far!

This week has been so much better! Not great, definitely not perfect but definitely better. It helps that 3 of the kids are going to Vacation Bible School each morning for 3 hours. Evan doesn't want to stay and who can blame him? 126 unfamiliar children and about 40 unfamiliar leaders and he doesn't understand anything that's being said. But, I can assure you having 1 child each morning, compared to the 4 of them is quite a relief! Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are all really enjoying the VBS so it works out all around. Today Chris and I headed to Halifax with Evan for his appointments at the IWK Children's Hospital. I hate to admit it, but I am so excited to be staying at the hotel and having a quiet night of eating out, swimming (and hot tub!) and reading. It's nice to be alone with Evan - this is our first time ever! A very nice surprise when we arrived at the hotel - our dad had arranged for the hotel and then he had come already come to the hotel and paid for the room! THANK YOU DAD AND LYNN! What a blessing!

So, tomorrow Evan will see 6 specialists and I can't wait to hear what they all say. I'll keep you all posted!!

THANK YOU to everyone who left comments, send me very encouraging emails and phoned! Last week was terrible - I'm sure there will many weeks that go well and then I'll hit a wall again and have low weeks. You are great supporters and encouragers!!!

Tammy

Ups and downs and all the in betweens

This has been a very trying week for me (and since they're stuck with me, probably for the kids as well). Evan continues to do so amazing but I'm finding myself irritable, tired and worn out. Although Evan continues to do well, it is still 24/7 handling the communication issues, the constant demands, the whining, the grieving, etc... Caleb, Dylan and Alyssa are also trying to deal with this new addition and they are feeling left out, ignored (even though I'm trying hard not to let this happen!) and overwhelmed by all that has happened in the last 3 weeks.

We've been trying to do fun activities each day but all we end up with are arguments, complaining and a frustrated group of kids and a mom! The older boys don't want to do anything the young ones want to do and the young ones are the same. We live in beautiful PEI, surrounded by amazing beaches, yet none of my children like the beach :-(

The playgrounds are too "babyish", the skateboard park is too grown up, the pools are too deep for Alyssa and Evan, the water parks and amusement parks are too expensive, blah blah blah -you get the drift.

Anyhoo...I know in my head this is all part of adjusting and transitioning...but, it's still hard to actually live through it, I guess.

Some people kind of look at me like (and a few have even said!!), "well, you're the one who wanted to adopt another child" as if every moment of my life should now be pure bliss! Oh sure, everyone who chooses to have a biological child has never had days of frustration, exhaustion and lonliness???? Just because I'm feeling this way doesn't mean I regret for a moment our choice to adopt. I'm just a busy mother going through a major transition...I'm sure it will get better.

On a postive note, I took Evan to the speech therapist and she is extremely optimistic! She said he had lots of great sounds already and is so quick to learn. He is able to blow bubbles, blow a whistle, and is getting better at sucking through a straw. These are all big accomplishments for a cleft affected child.

Enjoy some photos...there are good times to be had even during the ups and downs!

Mom & Evan - he really is the sweeting thing!

In honor of Evan's obsession with Ultraman, his cousins did Ultraman poses for him!

Beautiful smile!

The boys, with their friends, playing a little game of "chicken" (my friend Kate's house - that's her in the background)

Can anyone guess what's going to happen???

Oops...too much momentum and out the pool they went!

Hot & Sticky

Yes, the days have been beautiful - we are all hot and sticky. By the end of the day I'm exhausted - maybe from the heat, maybe from the constant demands of 4 children, most likely both.

Evan has his first speech therapy session tomorrow and then we are off to the Children's Hospital in Nova Scotia on Wednesday. Finally, we can get his palate and lip assessed, his hearing, his dental needs and get lots of questions answered. We are anticipating surgeries to take place in September - one for his lip/soft palate (??) and for his hard palate. We'll find out for sure next week.

Evan is picking up LOTS of english. He is speaking more and more words every day. He is still very good at his "charades" (acting out what he is saying or wants) and we all love watching him - he's very creative!!!

I'm really tired tonight so I can't think of much to write but I'll add more soon!

Tammy