Dance on...

WOW...obviously everyone who reads this blog knows how personally attacked I felt by Ms. Anonymous (Ms. Sonshine??) and her comments. Just plain mean and spiteful. But, since those nasty comments, a few things have happened....

1. My friend, M wrote the most incredible comment (posted in yesterday's comment section) that brought tears to my eyes. She is someone who knows me to my deepest level...the good, the bad and the ugly. And even though she has seen the "ugly" in me, she knows my heart and what a wonderful message she left for me. It truly restored me.

2. Reading the encouraging and kind comments from you guys...thank you!!!! It is such a boost to have people stick up for me and you guys made me feel so much better!

3. My husband asked me why I was letting Ms. Anonymous get to me - he said our life, our family, our journey is so much bigger than her nasty comments. He told me I didn't need to write anything in response to her comments, I have no reason to justify or to clarify for her. Nothing like a logical man to bring me down from my emotional high horse!

4. A lady called me on the phone last night....literally someone we have not seen or heard from personally in 3 years. She called me to specifically ask me how all our children were doing and to tell me what an amazing family we were (whether that's true or not, it is nice to hear!). She encouraged me for over 1/2 hour telling me how blessed our children were, how we would be blessed and how surely God is looking favorably on us for how we are caring for His children. She called me without even having a clue what was going on in my life or what had been written on this blog (she doesn't read the blog). Isn't that incredible??? The timing was miraculous.

5. After reading Ms. Anonymous' comments, I browsed other blogs that I sometimes find comfort in. One of them is called "A Life of Simplicity". This family has 9 adopted children and the mom truly "gets" it....adoption is not about how big (or small) your family is, it is about specific children, each one as amazingly special and worthy as another. I went to this post - crazy how she was writing EXACTLY what I was being criticized for!!!!!!! It was a God thing, I'm sure.

And to sum it all up, everything our family bases our choices on is this quote:

And really, I have to come back to the fact that we sing and dance for an audience of ONE - Jesus Christ – the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords – the lover, protector and defender of orphans – OUR Miracle-working, Mountain-moving, Awe-inspiring, Gasp-giving God whom we praise with all our might, day and night!! He is the only one we sing and dance for. He will, Lord willing, one day say: “Well done thou good and faithful servant. You were faithful with little. You were faithful when I gave you much. I am pleased with you.”

Oh my goodness....I am so thankful that all of these incidents helped me bring my focus back on what is really important...honoring Christ by loving His little children.

To answer my own question....

What are our family's thoughts on raising children from different cultural backgrounds?

I think both Chris and I would agree that it is challenging to raise culturally different children in a community and province that is primarily caucasian. We "think" we are preparing our children and we are trying to read as much and prepare as much but in reality, we have no idea what we will face in the next 5-20 years with our children. I may "think" I'm doing things right because I'm teaching my children about their culture, showing them their country and educating them on their traditions and history. But, even in doing all this, we will never be able to understand what it means to lose a birth culture, to constantly wonder about birth families but have no way to get answers, to feel like we don't fit in completely here in Canada nor do we fit in completely in our homeland. Will I know when my child is hurting from being the only asian? the only african? the only south american? When it's time, will I be able to let them go to "find themselves" in their birth countries if that's what they chose. Will I be strong enough to accept that it's not a slight against me if they choose to pursue their birth families or culture? That their anger and hurt may be directed at us because we thought we could give them everything they needed but instead we took them from everything they had?

Do I think children should be placed in similar cultural backgrounds/religion? Actually, I do. If a child can be cherished and loved in a family of similar background then I think they have the right to grow up learning and embracing their cultures first hand.

I am also of the mindset that children can certainly thrive and become happy, well adjusted adults growing up in families that are not of the same cultural background. Obviously, if there is no other choice, a child should go with a family of any cultural background if they will be loved, protected, cherished and safe. I also think past bonds can play a big part in what is best for a child. If a child already has strong, healthy attachment to a family or person, then it would be best to strengthen that bond. Do you know there are thousands of children who go through their life without having any healthy attachments? It is so sad. And if a family from another culture can provide a child with a healthy attachment, then so be it.

Obviously I'm a strong advocate for adoption. I love adoption and what it has done for our family. But I don't kid myself...adoption presents many, many challenges. Our family's responsibilities to our adopted children are so much more than simply loving them. I'm also a strong advocate for families staying together. Probably more so now that we've adopted than before. Through fostering, we've realized how important the birth connection is to a child (even when the birth connection is not good). Children crave a birth connection...they want to know on some level that their birth parents loved them and wanted them. So, there are tons of cases where keeping families together and providing supports for them to be together is best.

Oh, there are no easy answers, that's for sure. I think the bottom line for me is, I truly, truly believe all children need and deserve to be loved by a family. To be protected, safe and cherished by someone.

Even though some may think our family is too big or too overwhelming, I really believe we will continue fostering and adopting as long as there is a need. It is difficult, it is overwhelming and exhausting, yet every day I see the miracle of the children living in my home. How could I not want to be part of more miracles???

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"No one said it would be easy....they just said it would be worth it" (on having children)

Thank you to those who answered my question in the last post. It is a controversial issue and there certainly isn't a right answer or simple answer. I know Chris and I will have to "face the music" with Alyssa and Evan (and any other child we may adopt) in the future as they struggle to figure out all the "whys"....why were they abandoned, why didn't their parents want them enough, why were they taken from everything they knew, why were they raised in an all-white community, etc...

What do you think?

Ontario has a mandate to place children who are available for adoption into homes with similar cultural backgrounds.

Even though I may have lived with a particlar child and created a bond, our family would be overlooked so the child could live in a family with an african background, practicing the Muslim religion.

What do you think?

Is it fair to discriminate based on cultural backgrounds and religious beliefs?

Or, if 2 families can love a child equally, is it truly best for a child to be raised in the family who shares their cultural roots and religious beliefs?

There are no right or wrong answers but it is an interesting topic to discuss and obviously this is important to our family as we are currently raising 3 children from different cultural backgrounds.

I'd love to hear your points of view.

And that's That!

Visit with little one was really, really great. Exactly as I remembered little one to be...full of joy, smiles, laughter and still LOVES to chatter and talk. Why is my life always filled with children who LOVE to talk, incessently, all the time???? (Okay, okay...so I love to talk too!)

I'm going to call little one "N" in this post...it's easier than writing "little one".

N seemed very happy. This is good....I want N to be happy. I think there was part of me hoping N wasn't happy so I could wisk N away and make N happy. N told me, "I love my life". Is it possible for a heart to break while it is also filled with relief and happiness? I truly, truly want N to be happy. I am sad because N can be happy without us. But that's okay.

It seems there will be no movement on the adoption side of things for at least another year or more. Each day that passes, N becomes more settled in life, more attached to the family N lives with. And that's the way it should be.

What do I feel?

If I'm brutally honest, I feel disappointed...disappointed that the courts have and still continue to take so long with this case. I'm disappointed that as each month passes, our family's chance at this particular adoption gets smaller and smaller.

Again, being brutally honest, I feel sad. Sad that N is able to be so happy and live so wonderfully without us. I KNOW N misses us very much. N told me that and N's social worker told me that.
N talked a lot about our family, the memories, missing the house, the bedroom, the bed, the trips we took, the funny things that happened. N talked about the kids and if they remembered N...N seemed wistful when talking about life at the MacKinnon house. I think N would be very happy to come back to us and I think N would be very happy to stay in the new home.

I feel relieved to have finally gotten some answers! I was able to meet with N's social worker who was a wonderful, lovely lady. I could tell right away how much she cared about N and that she was advocating for N's life. The social worker was honest with me, answered all my questions, and although some of those answers were hard to hear, I needed to know. I needed to know after 12 months of wondering, hoping, praying, crying, being torn inside....

The visit was awesome. N was awesome. We are now able to have open communication with each other...we can send letters, make phone calls, send care packages and we have an open invitiation to visit N whenever we like. And although that isn't what I had been hoping for, praying for, it is what I will settle for. I have been given the opportunity to still share in N's life...this is very good.

So, I will go back home to my 5 beautiful children who need me, who I can be "mom" to. Back to my husband and back to my life. We will send letters and fun things to our little one, we will talk on the phone and if by some miracle, little one is meant to be ours, she will come home to us - all in good time.

And that's that.

Today is the big day!

Well, I'm here. I've traveled to see my little one and our visit is in just a few short hours. Butterflies and nerves! I have no idea what to expect but I am exited! I've waited 12 months for this day so no matter what happens, I will have gotten to see little one, play with little one, hugged little one and talked with little one. It will be a good day!

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumblebee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential and fight for your dreams."

The truth of the matter...

Over the years I've heard lots of practiced, experienced parents tell me "it will get easier". You know, when you're exhausted from night feedings, running after toddlers all day, dealing with temper tantrums, lack of adult interactions, etc....etc...etc....

Parents always told me "Don't worry, it gets easier". Well, here I am 5 children later and I'm seriously not finding it any easier. No, I don't have to change diapers all day, no I don't have to get up in the middle of the night (except for the odd nightmare), no I don't have to watch my children with an eagle eye every second of the day so they don't hurt themselves, BUT I am still not feeling like my life is easier.

Now I am talking to my children about drugs because their friends got "busted" at Jr. High. I'm talking to my children about love and caring for another person and how to treat the opposite gender with respect and gentleness. I'm answering questions about first kisses and talking the "sex talk" with my kids. I'm dealing with different learning levels - where one child excels academically and one doesn't. I'm dealing with a child's emotional turmoil and trying to develop trust and safety. I'm trying to teach my children about diversity and accepting & embracing the differences all around us. Dealing with my own anger when people are hurtful and ignorant about our differences. Trying to build self esteem, value and worth in each and every one of my children. I'm trying to give each child my individual time; special moments that only we share. Teaching my kids what happiness and love really means. Teaching there is MORE to life than materialism and "stuff". Teaching compassion and gentleness. All the while I am in the midst of breaking up fights, homework overload, wiping tears, kissing hurts (and wishing I could simply kiss away those emotional hurts), packing lunches, peeling 8 pounds of pototoes (for one meal!), hockey practices, hockey tryouts, dance lessons, speech therapy sessions, hospital visits, getting 2 boys fitted for braces, working, reading stories, taking calls from teachers at school, finding ways to handle some behavioral issues, and once again.....after all these years, I'm still falling into bed exhausted.

It has not gotten easier.