There has been SO MUCH happening in the last few months and I simply have not had time to write about it...I do like posting about it because it's a great way to share thoughts and feelings (and my commenters are such a great support!) and it's a nice way to look back and see how things have changed or not changed, etc...
I don't know if I ever updated on the situation with our "little one". This is the little foster girl we had for several months and then custody was given back to her mom. Well, I can't share too much about her particular situation but she is back in foster care, only this time she is in another province so Chris and I have not been able to get her back (yet!). We have been talking to people who may be able to help us as we really feel strongly in our hearts that she belongs with our family if she is not able to be with her mom. I know the little one felt at home here and didn't want to leave. Right now, there are just lots of prayers and phone calls being made about this situation. Honestly, we are so limited in what we are "allowed" to do in her case but yet, I still feel we need to do whatever we can for her.
I didn't update on the situation of my loved one in Toronto either...it is a very personal story and I haven't felt like I had the right words to share it yet...it's coming though.
And now...here we are approaching Christmas. This is the first Christmas in 4 years where I have actually been peaceful and excited about the season. 4 years ago, we had just received our referral for Alyssa and I didn't care TWO HOOTS about Christmas....all I wanted was to get to my sweet girl! The next two years were okay but my heart was very heavy because I wanted to adopt again so badly but Chris did not. Last Christmas we were back into the whole emotional rollercoaster of adoption and Christmas was the last thing on my mind. So, back to this year...even though there are some unanswered questions, I still feel very good about being here with Evan, Alyssa, Caleb and Dylan and sharing the excitement of Christmas with them. We may even have Nathan with us again this year (our 19 year old foster son) although he is going to visit his dad for a bit and not sure when he's coming back.
I've also realized that I will probably NEVER be fully content with not adopting again. The other day Chris and I were talking and he said "I think I'd like another little girl from China" and all I said was "I'm ON IT!!". Like in an instant, I was ready to start again!! Am I insane? I just can't help it...adoption has changed my heart so radically I don't think I will ever be able to live the same again. I am mostly trying to leave it in God's hands...I say "trying" because I'm a control freak and it's really hard to not try to control my own life :-) It took 6 years for God and I :-) to change Chris' heart about adopting the first time. The 2nd time it took 3 years...so, I'm thinking if the pattern stays the same we should be adopting again in 1.5 years???? Right?! But, like I said, I'm leaving it up to God! :-)
My husband would have a heart attack if he read this so hopefully he won't catch up with the blog for awhile and he'll miss this post!
Well...the kids have their Christmas concert tomorrow so hopefully I can post precious pictures of the terrific kids I DO have!!
Merry Christmas!
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4 comments:
That post made me laugh. (not sure that was the intention though). I can relate to the whole part about adoption. We were only going to adopt once and that would be our last child . . . hmmm, here we go again with #2. Definitely our last right??? Not 100% convinced though so we'll see what happens. :) Can't wait to follow your journey to adopt many, many more kids! :) Isn't it good to know you're not the only insane one? LOL!!
k
I have tears in my eyes. I see the love of God in your heart so much. I know this Christmas will be special for you with Evan now a part of your family. I pray that if it's God's will for you to adopt again that you will be able to. I only pray that I can too adopt soon. God Bless and Merry Christmas.
Love and hugs,
Monique
Awww that's sad that the little girl you had in foster care is in another province....hopefully she will be back with you soon....if I know you it will happen!
What a wonderful Christmas you are going to have this year. I'm so happy for all of you.
Say Merry Christmas to everyone from our house to yours.
I was feeling guilty about not really being into Christmas this year. I don't even have my tree up yet and haven't made a single cookie either. But after reading what you wrote I feel better. Its a hard year for me! I want my sweet little girl home with me and we have to wait still. I don't want to celebrate another Christmas without her here! Last year I didn't know who she was yet but I had an ache in my heart like someone was missing. Then when we were matched I saw her birthday of September and it was a confirmation for me. Yes, she was alive and my aches were real. I really thought we would have had our baby home by this Christmas so I hate that we don't but I know what you are feeling about giving up control. God's timing is PERFECT and He is in Perfect control. There is a reason she isn't home yet. And I need patience and I need to get in a worshipful mood for our Savior was born! Thanks for the encouragement that next Christmas will be wonderful as a family of 6 all together!
Bethany bdobbertin@gmail.com
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