I have been feeling discouraged lately because things are so unclear right now. We still do not have confirmation that PEI is accepting the Ethiopian program. I feel like I'm living in denial because we are proceeding as if everything is a go yet deep inside I'm waiting for the terrible news that we will not be allowed to proceed. I went ahead and finished the bedroom for the girls - Alyssa and her new sister will be sharing a room. We are smiling and laughing and talking about our new baby sister and we are making plans and talking like she's a part of our family yet there are still doubts in my heart about how this process will end.
I honestly can't imagine God has brought us to this place to shut the door on our daughter coming home. For those of you who know our family, you would know how long I've been praying for God to open my husband's heart and mind to adopting again. I have been praying for 3 years and it has been a MAJOR struggle for me to put aside my own timelines and agendas and remember that God is in control. It's so weird that at the very time we feel God telling us to adopt that we have so many roadblocks in our way. Is it a sign to stop (NO WAY!) or is it God telling us to completely depend on Him and have faith that He will carry us through?
We are in the midst of this challenge with the Province and trying to get PEI updated and educated on the international adoption process - we are really struggling with financing this adoption, and we cannot even be sure our adoption will be allowed by our Province. Yet, I truly believe God has placed adoption on our hearts again and we are doing it at the right time. I don't mind putting up a fight - especially for our child - but I would like to have some peace of mind through this process and feel joy knowing our daughter will be with us soon. I have been encouraged by people, songs and different stories this week to ALWAYS allow God to work and not depend on my own abilities. My minister said today "When God hears the word impossible, that's when He starts to work". Well, I have been feeling this whole process is becoming impossible so I am going to read His word and pray that I can fully trust Him as He is in control. Most of all, He loves our daughter even more than we do!
I need to have complete faith that God will open the hearts and minds of those in charge in PEI who make the decisions regarding international adoption. I need to have complete faith that God will provide the money to bring our daughter home. I need to have complete faith that NO MATTER what happens and what the timeline is, God is right beside us and our daughter every step of the way.
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way
Tammy
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1 comment:
You're doing amazing with all this, Tammy. I know you have a LOT on your plate right now and it must be very overwhelming sometimes. You have such strong faith and I think you're doing all the right things that you can possibly do right now. Stay strong and know that there are many people praying for your family.
Xo
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